Lessons
by DixieGoddess
Summary: Kakashi decides he wants to give this dating thing a try - but he needs someone to teach him how to not be socially retarded. So why not ask the most well-liked guy in the village! KakaIru! Various other couples mentioned in passing. Rated for language and suggestive themes
1. Tutor Wanted

I know, I know, the absolute LAST thing I should be doing is starting another fic. But I have no intentions for this to be a long fic like most of my others. And i actually have most of my next chapter for Mission Kiss Me Deadly (for those of you who have read it) typed up. I'm just having trouble figuring out where exactly to end it. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

It had been a perfectly normal day for Iruka Umino. He had held classes with only minimal disruption, wasn't on schedule for the mission room that day, and had just settled into a nice groove for grading papers at his desk. Yes, it was perfectly normal and peaceful… until _he _showed up. He was never quite sure what business the copy-ninja had with him when he appeared out of nowhere, but it was usually nothing good.

"Yo." Kakashi perched on the windowsill of the classroom and smiled brightly.

Iruka blinked over at him. "Umm… hello, Kakashi-sensei. Can I help you with something?"

Kakashi stepped lithely through the window, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I want a girlfriend."

"Uhhh…"

"Or a boyfriend," Kakashi continued, cocking his head slightly to the side and looking off into space. "I won't pigeon-hole myself. Though I'd prefer a girlfriend… I think."

Iruka stared at him, thoroughly confused and blinking stupidly. "Umm… ok?"

Kakashi returned his gaze to the chuunin. Neither spoke.

Iruka finally raised an eyebrow and gestured at Kakashi as though to say "So?"

"I want you to help me," Kakashi finally supplied, as though that should have been _obvious_.

Iruka leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Do I have 'matchmaker' stamped on my forehead?"

"I don't need you to help me _find _someone. I can pick my own targets." Iruka's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline at Kakashi's choice of words. "What I need help with is the approach. The social interaction slash 'dating' part."

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You can't tell me you've never spoken to a woman in a flirtatious manner before."

"Well, yeah, when I was trying to get into their pants." Iruka's eyebrow twitched. "Sex, sure, I have no problem with that. But I mean, when I'm trying to get with someone for _more _than sex, I seem to have trouble."

Iruka sighed, and pushed himself to his feet, assuming his stern teacher posture and expression. "Kakashi-sensei… I don't know what this is all about, but I don't have time to help you find a girlfriend."

"See, you're still not getting it," Kakashi continued in his same languid manner, as though Iruka hadn't just blown him off. "I don't need you to _find _me a girlfriend. I just need you to teach me how to act in order to _obtain_ a girlfriend."

"I don't have time to do that either!" Iruka snapped, glaring at the jounin who stared steadily back at him.

"Sure you do. You go on vacation in a couple of hours. You have two whole weeks to help me."

Iruka blinked for a second, then scoffed. "I don't know where you get your information from, Kakashi-sensei, but I am not about to take vacation time."

"Yes you are. I filed for it this morning."

Iruka started and gaped at him. While he was doing a marvelous impression of a fish out of water, Kakashi continued, looking very pleased.

"They approved it right away. I was really impressed. Though, I think that may have had more to do with the fact that it was you – apparently your fellow chuunin and the hokage have been trying to convince you to use your vacation time for quite awhile. You never cash it in. That's not healthy, you know. It worries people."

Iruka, having finally regained the ability to speak, was now trying very, _very_ hard not to scream all the profanities that were running through his head, seeing as he _was_ still in the academy and there could still be impressionable students wandering around somewhere. So instead, he gritted his teeth and put his hands on his hips to settle his shaking from rage. "Kakashi-sensei… how did you even put in a request _for me_? Not only would you have had to henge into me, you would've had to forge my sig –" He stopped abruptly as he suddenly realized he was talking to the _copy_ ninja. Kakashi just continued to stare at him innocently. The chuunin took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bringing a hand to cover his face. "I'm going to talk to the hokage and get this sorted out. I'm _not _going on vacation. Especially not for _two weeks_."

"But Iruka-senseeeei," Kakashi whined pathetically, trying to give him a puppy-dog look. "If you tell the hokage that I impersonated you and forged your signature, you'll get me in _trouble_. You don't want to get me in trouble, do you?"

"You brought that on yourself!" Iruka growled.

"Maa, but then I'll get suspended from duty, and I will have absolutely _nothing else _to do with my time than visit my favorite chuunin sensei _every single day_ while I'm suspended. Either way, you're stuck with me for two weeks. You may as well enjoy a vacation while you're at it. Your substitutes have been lined up for you already and everything."

Kakashi continued to smile at his genius-ness, but felt a distinct chill run through his body at the absolute _death_ glare the brunette was sending his way. Sure, he knew Iruka would be _mad_, but surely he would get over it… right?

The chuunin in question was silently debating just how quickly he would die and how many painful hits he would be able to land on the jounin _before_ he died and if it would be worth it if he chose to attack the man of a thousand jutsu. A quick analysis had him deciding that, unfortunately, it wouldn't be worth it. So instead, he silently turned around, gathered his things, and stormed out of the building.

* * *

Kakashi, in all his genius-y glory had decided it would probably be a good idea to let Iruka cool off a little before approaching him again. However, patience wasn't a big strong point of his, and two hours later, he had decided that _had_ to be plenty of time for Iruka to get over it, and he was standing at the chuunin's door.

Iruka opened the front door, Kakashi's eye curved into a smile and he chirped "Yo!"… and the door slammed in his face.

Kakashi could take a hint… when he wanted to. But seeing as he was on a mission, he didn't much feel like it at the moment. 20 seconds later, he was standing in Iruka's kitchen, watching the chuunin stir something on the stove. "You should really put better locks on your windows."

The jounin might have laughed hysterically for a good five minutes straight if he didn't have a stoic reputation to uphold. Iruka jumped a good foot in the air, the spoon he was stirring with flying out of his hand and into the wall. Kakashi mourned the fact that he didn't have his sharingan revealed to capture the absolutely priceless expression on the chuunin's face in that moment.

The brunette growled and quickly flung a barrage of shuriken at his head. Kakashi, of course, quickly dodged them all, but he pouted at Iruka through his mask. "Hey, now, you _knew _it was me by the time you threw those."

Iruka glowered at him. "Exactly."

"Aww, that's cold."

The chuunin stalked across the room, retrieving his spoon. "Get out of my house, Kakashi-sensei."

"Alright now, I know you're upset." Kakashi ignored the demand and proceeded to sit down at the table. Iruka's eyebrow twitched dangerously. "But you can spend your whole vacation being angry and stressed out, which defeats the entire purpose of vacation, or you can accept that what's done is done and use the time to relax… and help me, of course."

Iruka sighed and shook his head, looking disgusted. He rinsed off his spoon and returned to the stove, falling back into his stirring pattern. "Kakashi-sensei…" he sounded weary now as opposed to angry, which Kakashi decided was an improvement. "I don't know _why _you did what you did, but even if I decide not to tell on you and return to work, why on _earth _do you think I would spend my vacation helping _you _find a girlfriend?"

The jounin sighed and folded his hands as though he were explaining something to a moronic child. "Once… again..." he started slowly. "I don't need helping _finding_ –"

"WHATEVER!" Iruka exploded, interrupting him. "Why would I help _you_ with _anything_!?"

Kakashi actually paused for a moment. He 'hmm-ed' and titled his head, seeming to ponder the question. "Well…" he began hesitantly. "Because it took a lot for me to come to you for help, so I would think you'd be able to appreciate that."

Iruka sniffed at the half-insult. "I have a hard time believing you're even serious."

"I went through the trouble of making sure you'd be free for two weeks to help me. Why would I do that for the sake of a prank?" Kakashi stared at him levelly.

Iruka glared back out of the corner of his eye. After a moment of silence he sighed. "Where is this coming from anyway?"

"That's personal."

"Well, you want me to spend my vacation helping you with a _personal _problem. So either you give me the information I need, or I can't help."

Kakashi huffed and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking petulant.

"Kakashi-sensei, you've already admitted to me that you want help getting a girlfriend. It can't be that much more embarrassing to just tell me _why_."

The jounin heaved a long sigh and leaned back in his chair, looking at the ceiling. "Fine… Yesterday, Gai and I were in the middle of one of our challenges…"

* * *

**Yesterday Afternoon**

Kakashi smirked internally as he won yet another round of janken, though he kept his exterior demeanor stoic and cool as ever as Gai burst into manly tears. Not that he would ever admit that he took such great pride in his prowess at a children's game, but he was thoroughly enjoying kicking the other jounin's ass.

Which is why he was completely thrown off when Gai suddenly looked at the sun and cried out in dismay, announcing that he was terribly sorry but he had to take his leave. Kakashi blinked. "Where do you have to be?"

Gai flashed him a blinding smile. "I HAVE ANOTHER DINNER DATE WITH THE FAIR AYAME! I MUST HURRY HOME TO GET READY!"

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "Huh?"

The blue beast laughed happily. "OH, MY ETERNAL RIVAL, I HAVEN'T YET TOLD YOU!" He flung his arm around the silver-haired man's shoulders and grinned maniacally. "Last week, I asked the beautiful and virtuous Ayame, of Ichiraku's ramen stand, if I could have the great pleasure of courting her, and she has accepted my proposal! This will be our third date!"

Kakashi slumped, thinking briefly that he used to consider the ramen-shop girl to have much better taste (she did blush at_ his_ face, after all). "Third date, eh?" he drawled. "So, your place is all set?"

"Eh?" Gai looked confused.

"You've got your wine, your condoms, your porn locked, loaded, and rewinded in the VCR? You really don't want to be screwing around with that in the moment – kills the mood."

The other man gaped for a second before it clicked in his mind what his friend was getting at. "KAKASHI!" he cried, scandalized. "THE FAIR AND _VIRTUOUS _AYAME AND I HAVE NOT YET REACHED A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP!"

"Wow… why?"

Gai 'tsk-ed' and shook his head at his companion. "Kakashi, ROMANCE is more than sex! It takes time to cultivate and grow! It takes nurturing!"

"Hmm…" Kakashi looked away, feigning disinterest.

The spandex-clad jounin grinned at him, almost conspiratorially. "One day, you'll understand, my friend."

Kakashi snorted and turned away. "Doubtful." Before Gai could say anything else, the copy-nin had jumped away.

Normally, nobody's relationship would ever get into Kakashi's head and bother him. But shortly after leaving his rival, he had wandered into the mission room to try to distract himself with a short mission, and caught the two desk chuunin, Kotetsu and Izumo, in the middle of a sickening tickle/grope/makeout fight.

He stared for a second at the display, as they seemed far too wrapped up in themselves to notice him, then decided he really didn't want a mission _that _badly and sauntered away, shaking his head in disgust at the sight of two grown men having a _tickle _fight.

Not being able to go on a mission, he had then attempted to train. However, on his way to his favorite training field, he passed another, currently occupied, field and paused for a moment to watch its occupants – Ibiki and Anko.

Ibiki was standing behind the crazy kunoichi, trying to mold her hands into the patterns he wanted. Anko was looking thoroughly annoyed. "Ok, I know! You showed me that already!" she snapped, jerking away.

Ibiki stepped back calmly. "It's ok, Anko. It takes awhile to get it up to speed without mistakes."

Anko huffed. "Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, assuming a starting stance. However, her next attempt had her stumbling over her own feet halfway through. "DAMMIT!"

Ibiki quickly captured both of the tense arms from behind her and pressed himself against her back. He landed a quick kiss to her neck more tenderly than Kakashi had ever thought was possible from the interrogation expert. "You'll get it. Just try again."

Anko instantly deflated and took a calming breath. The copy-nin quirked an eyebrow. Sure, he knew the two were a couple now, but he had still never seen Anko so quickly talked down. He shook his head again and sprung away. That had to have been one of the strangest sights he'd ever seen. He honestly didn't know if he even had it in him anymore to go beat up poles and trees after witnessing the two craziest jounin he knew (besides himself) being so… intimate.

Instead he wandered into the heart of the village, intent on going to the bookstore for some smut. He didn't really care at this point if it was Icha Icha or not – he needed _something _carnal to get all this mushiness out of his psyche. On the way, he passed Kurenai and Asuma snuggled up on a bench, giggling as Kurenai wiped remnants of lunch off of Asuma's cheek.

He sighed. Those two weren't _so _strange, but it still was curious to see his comrades – high-level jounin who he had seen murder countless people in cold blood – to be doing such things as _cuddling _and _giggling _and making googly-eyes at each other.

He definitely needed to get to the damn bookstore.

He sprinted inside and breathed a sigh of relief. It was almost deserted and he couldn't spot any couples in sight. Good.

However, whispers and quiet chortling started to float to his ears as he approached the 'adult' section. He turned the corner to find everyone's favorite sex-addicts, Raidou and Genma sitting in the aisle, poring over a book that seemed to have many 'informative' pictures.

Kakashi nodded to himself. Alright, this was ok. _This _he could understand. Sex and dirtiness and picture books and planning new 'adventures' – _that _was well within his understanding.

Until Raidou whispered something into Genma's ear that apparently was so scandalous that it made the bandana-clad man drop his senbon. He recovered quickly however, and grinned at the scarred man, pulling him against him tightly and claiming his mouth in a passionate kiss. "God, I love you!" he growled.

"Oh, come on!"

Both jounin on the floor startled and jumped apart at Kakashi's outburst. He hadn't meant to, but it was just all too much! He glared at them, annoyed.

Genma retrieved his senbon off the floor. "Geesh, Kakashi, scare a guy half to death. We're trying to have a little privacy back here."

"You're in the middle of a public store."

Genma glared back at him and popped the needle back into his mouth. "The hell is your problem anyway? Not like we've never made out in front of you. Hell, on our last mission together, we practically got it on on top of you."

"Thank you for that cherished memory," Kakashi rolled his eye.

"So…?" Genma still looked irritated at the interruption.

Kakashi sighed and crossed his arms, leaning against the shelf. "It's just… what's going on with everyone lately?"

The other two jounin looked at each other, then back at the silver-haired man. "Um… you're gonna have to be a little more specific," Raidou prodded in a slightly kinder tone than his boyfriend.

"Just… with all the affection and stuff…"

"Still need a little more, buddy."

Kakashi sighed again and began to recount his day, all the way from Gai taking off early to get ready for his date, through to finding the two of them wrapped up in each other in the aisle of the bookstore. By the time he finished, he had slid down so he was sitting across from them, looking tired. "I just don't understand it, I guess. Sex, sure, I'm good at that – I understand the point behind it. But why 'date' someone? Why be in a relationship? What's the point? I mean, is it even _possible _to actually like someone that much?"

"Well, yeah, Kakashi," Raidou started softly, grabbing Genma's hand off the floor for emphasis. "It's possible to actually _love _someone that much."

Kakashi snorted softly. "And then there's _that _word. I don't even know what that _means_."

"It _means_, dumbass," Genma twitched his senbon in Kakashi's direction. "That you care about someone more than yourself. You'd give your life for them."

"I'd do that for any of my comrades," Kakashi interrupted stubbornly. "I certainly don't _love _you guys romantically."

"Let me finish, asshole! It's not _just _that. It means that you care about everything about them. You care about their personality, their likes, their dislikes. You make decisions not just based on you, but them as well."

"Sounds troublesome," Kakashi grumbled.

"You feel _different _when they're around – it's like the world around them is always brighter than the rest," Genma continued, ignoring him. "The sex is important but it's not the number-one thing. It's a supplement to make everything else that much better. Though, I won't dispute that one of the perks of a relationship is knowing that you always have someone to have sex with - no trolling at the bars."

"So what's the number-one thing, then?" Kakashi tried to sound disinterested, but he cocked his head, staring intently.

"It's…" Genma trailed off for a second, thinking hard. "It's… seeing them smile."

The exposed silver eyebrow raised skeptically. Seriously? That was _it_?

Raidou smiled proudly at his boyfriend. "Being in love is when someone makes you so happy that you would do anything to make them happy in return."

Genma lit up and put an arm around the scarred man. "That's why I keep you around! Sums it up perfectly!"

"Good god, I never realized you two could be so revolting."

Genma glared and opened his mouth for a nasty retort, but Raidou cut him off. "Kakashi, you've seriously never been in love?"

"Love?" Kakashi snorted derisively. "I've never even been in a relationship. Even after all your flowery words, I'm not seeing the _point_."

Raidou chuckled softly. "The point is someone to make you happy. Someone who's there for you. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who's waiting for you when you get back from a mission – someone who can instantly brighten your world again when you've spent weeks in darkness. The point is having someone you can share the good moments with and someone who can chase away the bad moments. Someone to pick up the slack and have your back so you don't have to go it alone all the time."

"Hmm…" Kakashi pondered for a moment. Someone to wait for him after missions… ok, that didn't sound _ridiculous. _Someone to pick up the slack and have his back. Alright, he could get behind that. Even the 'guaranteed sex' thing didn't sound so bad, even if it meant sexual exclusivity."Do you… _have _to love someone to be in a relationship with them?"

"Uhh…" The other two jounin froze for a second. "Well, no, you don't," Raidou started slowly. "People usually date for awhile before deciding if they love each other and saying the L word."

Kakashi sat quietly for a moment, then nodded once, as though making up his mind. He stood abruptly. "Thanks for your help. See ya." And he disappeared in a poof of smoke. Genma and Raidou looked at each other worriedly. Was that a good or a bad thing?

Kakashi had spent the next hour trying to approach various women throughout the village. But he always stopped and turned awkwardly a few steps away. He just didn't know what to _say_. He had plenty of experience with pick-up lines – the kind that were used and only worked in cheaply-lit bars with half-drunk patrons. In fact, the jounin honestly couldn't recall the last time he had attempted to pick someone up _sober_… God, there was a depressing thought.

Sure, he could pull off the suave gentleman thing when he was on missions, but he wasn't looking to date _or _sleep with his mission objectives. He just honestly had no idea how to approach a woman for a date – or 'courtship' as Gai had called it – rather than just sex.

Maybe he should ask someone to train him. It worked in other things right? If you could train someone in ninjutusu, surely someone could train him in the art of dating.

But who? He was loathe to go back to Genma and Raidou for advice, especially since he was sure that by now they were probably trying out positions from their new book. He had absolutely no interest in observing Gai's dating habits. He couldn't imagine Ibiki's advice would be any good – anything that worked on Anko probably wasn't fit for normal social interaction. Kurenai was a possibility, but he didn't want to give her any funny ideas about finding him a 'soulmate' or some starry-eyed, girly crap like that.

He was jumping home, observing the villagers below him, assessing their potential tutoring ability when a familiar brunette head caught his attention. Iruka Umino – Naruto's old academy sensei – had just exited the Hokage Tower, calling goodnight to someone behind him.

Kakashi paused and watched the bubbly man take off for home. The chuunin was greeted by several people as he made his way down the street – and Kakashi was positive he saw a couple women (and men) blush when they called out to him.

Perfect.

Not that Kakashi had ever thought a tremendous amount of the tan man's ninja abilities, but it would be stupid to dispute the fact that he was very well-liked. He had women _and _men going goo-goo eyed over him everywhere he went. Everyone smiled at him – everyone was at ease. And Iruka surely was the kind of man who would know how to woo a woman properly, not just pick her up at a bar for a one-night stand. Yes, he was _totally _a relationship guy. And he was already good at teaching hopeless cases! It was perfect!

Only problem was that Kakashi wanted to get his Mission: Find a Girlfriend off the ground as quickly as possible, and the chuunin was a known workaholic, especially since Naruto's departure from the village. How could he ever find enough time with the man to get proper instruction?

The jounin headed for home. He would figure it out by morning. He _was _a genius after all.

* * *

**Present**

By this point, Iruka had loaded two plates full of food and was looking more tired than anything, though Kakashi was sure he could detect a smirk under the surface. The chuunin slid a plate in front of him and sat down on the opposite side of the table.

"So let me get this straight," and here Kakashi could just slightly make out the laughter in his voice. "You want a girlfriend for all the… 'practical' benefits…"

Kakashi nodded.

"And rather than go to someone who is, oh I don't know, IN a relationship, you came to me?"

Kakashi blinked at him. "Well… yeah…"

"Kakashi-sensei, when was the last time you saw me with _anyone_?" Iruka glared at him with annoyance, but there was a slight blush of embarrassment on his cheeks.

The jounin scratched his neck. "Well, I haven't. But then again, I've never paid that close attention to your love-life. Either way, Iruka-sensei," he continued before the teacher could protest. "Whether you have a plethora of actual dating experience or not, you are still much better at social interaction and making people like you than I am."

Iruka snorted. "That's just called 'not being an ass'."

Kakashi smiled brightly at him. "See! I'm learning so much already!"

The chuunin bowed his head and pushed the food around his plate. "I really don't know – " A pair of chopsticks clattered to the table across from him and his head shot up again. Kakashi was leaning back in his chair, mask firmly in place, staring at him… over his empty plate. Iruka blinked. "Uh… um… anyway, I don't really know how much official help I would be…"

"I'm not asking for some 'official' course with a syllabus and a grade, sensei," the other ninja teased lightly.

Iruka quickly stuffed his own food in his mouth to avoid an immediate answer. Kakashi waited.

Finally, when there was nothing left on his plate to stall with, the teacher sighed, rubbing at his scar. "Fine," he finally choked out. Kakashi's face lit up. "I can't just leave the poor women of Konoha at your socially-retarded mercy. BUT!" Iruka held up a finger and assumed his best sensei stare. "If I'm gonna help you with this, you have to actually _listen _to me. Don't pretend like you want my help, then just go rogue when you don't like my instructions."

"Yeah, yeah," Kakashi waved his hand. "I'll be a perfect student."

Iruka shook his head, wondering what the hell he had just agreed to. "Meet me here tomorrow morning." He stood, walking to the door and holding it open for the jounin.

The other man stood and strode outside. "Yes, sir!" He saluted semi-comically.

The chuunin glared up at him, then turned away haughtily, not meeting his gaze. "And just for your information, I've had _plenty _of one-night stands!" He slammed the door.

Kakashi blinked stupidly for a second, letting those final words penetrate his brain. He finally chuckled. "Well, well, _sensei_." He wasn't sure if Iruka was still on the other side of the door, but he had a _feeling _that the other man was blushing.

* * *

**DixieGoddess**


	2. Assessment

Iruka was startled the next morning by a knock on his door at only 8am. Grumbling and only half awake, he rolled out of bed and dragged himself to the door, blinking sleepily up at his wake-up call. Kakashi's exposed eye took on an amused glint. "Good morning, sensei. Did I wake you?"

The chuunin muttered something that Kakashi was sure he wasn't actually supposed to hear and shuffled aside. "What are you _doing _here so early?"

Kakashi ambled inside. "You said to be here bright and early this morning. I promised to be a good student, remember?"

Iruka slammed the door and started his slow trek toward the kitchen. "I don't recall using the words 'bright and early.' Plus, since when are you on time for anything? I thought I'd be waiting half the day for you."

The jounin chuckled at the abnormally grumpy teacher. "Well, your cooking was so good last night that I was half hoping for a repeat for breakfast. Looks like I made it in plenty of time." He followed Iruka into the kitchen and seated himself at the table while the tan man seemed to be working the coffee pot on auto-pilot. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "My apologies, though." Iruka turned to look at him through half-lidded eyes. "I _did _assume you'd be up already."

Iruka shook his head, his messy brown hair shaking softly. "Well, I figured, what with me being on _vacation _and all," he gritted the word out pointedly. "I may as well enjoy the benefits of not having to go to bed or wake up early."

"Sorry, sensei," Kakashi actually sounded sincere. "I can come back later." He rose, but Iruka waved an impatient hand at him.

"Oh, sit down. I'm up _now_."

Kakashi obediently took his seat again. He watched the teacher wander around the kitchen a few minutes more, smiling lightly to himself beneath his mask. Iruka was always poised... at least in the way a firecracker is pretty and 'poised' before it explodes. He was put together, organized, always on time and on top of things – it was only when he would get riled up that he would lose his cool and explode all over the place, letting just a hint of being frazzled creep out before piecing himself back together again into 'responsible and reliable Iruka-sensei.'

It was… cute to see him out of his element – in loose pajama bottoms that were too long so that he had to shuffle instead of walk normally, a baggy t-shirt, and his normally immaculate hair strewn everywhere. The jounin wondered briefly if the other man was even conscious of the fact that he didn't have his normal put-together demeanor on in front of him, or if perhaps, he was just comfortable around Kakashi.

But that thought flew out of his head as Iruka reached into the oversized pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out a hair tie, yanking the unruly hair away from his face. It wasn't the perfectly coifed ponytail he usually wore, but it made him look a little more 'normal.' Clearing his throat, he attempted to straighten up a little and delivered a mug of coffee to the table in front of Kakashi and seated himself across from him with his own.

He gazed at the silver-haired nin over the top of his mug, the previous sleepiness gone from his eyes. He was now regarding Kakashi with the same guarded stare he usually did when he didn't know what to expect out of the other man.

Kakashi sighed internally. So much for comfort. He tried smiling at the tan man. "So, what am I going to be learning today?"

Iruka carefully placed his cup down. "Well, Kakashi-sensei – "

"Kakashi."

"Hm?" Iruka startled a bit and lost his train of thought, cocking his head, confused.

"You should just call me Kakashi," the jounin explained simply. "After all, I am technically your student right now. You're the sensei."

The chuunin blinked then looked away, scratching at the scar on his nose in an embarrassed manner. "It still doesn't feel right – not using an honorific. You're still my superior."

"Why don't you try it for the day? If you're still uncomfortable, you can go back to calling me whatever you want tomorrow." Iruka looked back at him, searching his features, which Kakashi kept completely sincere. Finally, the chuunin nodded slightly.

"Fine." He cleared his throat to get himself back on track. "Anyway, as I was saying, first of all, we should probably go over a few things from yesterday."

The copy-nin sighed. "We're not still talking about the forced vacation thing, are we? Cuz – "

"Yes! We are!" Iruka slammed his hand on the table to emphasize his point, and his coffee cup momentarily left the table. "You want to learn about normal social interaction? What you did yesterday is _not _how normal people go about getting someone to do them a favor!" He glared at the jounin who had gone silent. "It is _not _appropriate to force someone into helping you."

Kakashi scoffed. "I didn't _force _you. I may have stacked the odds in my favor… _slightly_, but – "

"You impersonated me and forged my signature without my consent, threatened to come by and bother me every day if I got you in trouble for it, and then broke into my house, and refused to leave until I agreed to help you."

"Well, when you word it like _that_…" Kakashi grumbled, scratching at the back of his neck somewhat sheepishly.

"Yes, funny how when you word things like they _are_, you can see just how asinine it is," Iruka deadpanned into his coffee cup.

"But it _worked_."

Kakashi realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth that that was probably a very stupid thing to say. But it was too late at that point, as Iruka slammed his mug back down, effectively sloshing a good portion of his coffee out of it.

"You really want to bait me into kicking you out right now?" he snapped. "Because pointing out that your idiocy worked on me is only going to make me angry. Yet _another _thing you should probably refrain from doing to the people who you expect to _help _you!"

"Alright, alright!" Kakashi held up a hand in a placating manner. "I get it. What I did yesterday was the wrong way to go about asking you for help."

Iruka quirked an eyebrow. "And…?" he prodded.

Kakashi blinked. "And… I shouldn't have done that?"

Iruka sighed, looking exasperated. "What would have been a _better _way?"

"Uhh…" Kakashi leaned back in his chair looking contemplative. "Well… I mean, I could have blackmailed you, but I feel like that's not the correct ans – "

"You could have ASKED, Kakashi!" Iruka quickly brought his hand up to his forehead, closing his eyes. Oh goody, it was barely 8:30 in the morning, and already he had a headache. The chuunin took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. How on earth was he supposed to spend an entire day, let alone TWO WEEKS with this man? God, no wonder he had never dated before. Who could put up with him? "You could have _asked _me," the younger man continued in a calmer and quieter tone. "Like an adult."

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and crossed his legs. "Well, not to be picky, sensei, but… I _did_. And you said no."

Iruka opened his eyes and gazed at him. "I - …what?"

The jounin fixed him with his trademark lazy stare. "Yes, as you recall, I asked you when I first entered your classroom yesterday. You told me you didn't have time."

Iruka opened and closed his mouth silently a few times. "Because I didn't!" he finally spluttered.

"Right… which is why I found you time by requesting your vacation."

"But you did that before you ever asked!"

"Because I had a feeling you'd say that."

"So – "

"So, I made sure you had the time so you could no longer use that as an excuse."

"Which you did behind my back!"

"But I asked, and you said no because you didn't have time. So I made time."

Iruka shook his head quickly, losing track of the conversation. "What? No! You made time _before _I said no, not _because _I said no!"

"But either way, you would've said no even though I asked nicely."

"That's not -"

"So, asking you when I hadn't cleared your schedule first wasn't going to work."

"But you didn't know that before you impersonated me!"

"Same result. I was just doing that for insurance."

"Kakashi…" Iruka's voice held a dangerous tone now.

"I'm just saying, clearly just asking you wouldn't have gotten the result I wanted."

"Well, not everything is about what _you_ want!" Iruka stood quickly from the table, grabbing both cups off the surface, not caring that Kakashi hadn't touched his coffee yet, and slammed them into the sink. "It's not about whether or not you would've gotten what you wanted, Kakashi! If I said no, I said no, and you either could've tried to talk to me again later, _without _breaking into my house, or you could've found someone else to help you. That's how it works! You don't just get to manipulate the situation so you win no matter what."

Kakashi looked taken aback. "But…"

"This isn't the battlefield! It's not do or die. This is normal social interaction with normal people who you are apparently _trying _to present a pleasant personality to. Treating social settings as though you're trying to 'win' a fight or complete a mission is just gonna piss people off! Case in point!" The chuunin gestured wildly to himself. "And for the record, you didn't _ask, _so much as state that you wanted my help and expected me to do it! There were much better ways you could have approached that discussion that _might _have led me to listen better!"

Kakashi remained silent for a good minute, contemplating the teacher's words. He had never approached… _any _situation as though he wasn't in control. It wasn't in his nature. In fact, it went against every way he had ever operated. He was Sharingan Kakashi. Man of a Thousand Jutsu. Feared Copy-ninja Extraordinaire. He _always _won. He had to. Letting other people determine if he got his way or not was just… _not right_.

He snuck a glance up at the fiery man in front of him who was leaning against the counter, breathing heavily and glaring at him, waiting for his lecture to sink in.

But maybe the chuunin had a point here. Even though he had technically 'won' and gotten Iruka to help him, the look on the other man's face didn't exactly scream victory. He was supposed to be getting better at interacting with people in a social manner – getting them to like him, not just fear him or respect him. And the look he was getting right now from the room's other occupant clearly spelled out that he was _not _particularly liked right now.

Could he do that? Could he go against everything he had been ingrained with since childhood and accept the fact that social settings weren't always going to go his way as long as he was liked afterward? He had never cared about being liked before… which was probably why he was still single…

Maybe… maybe…

"Iruka-sensei," he finally got out lowly.

Iruka looked at him expectantly.

Kakashi faltered. "I… uh…" He seized up for a second, then swallowed and sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. If you want me to go, I'll go. I'm sorry to have bothered you with all of this." He stared at the floor solemnly.

Iruka blinked, looking slightly surprised. He had not actually expected it to be that easy.

The teacher sighed wearily and shook his head. The silver-haired man looked much more like one of his nin-dogs that had been kicked rather than the infamous copy-ninja at the moment. "Apology accepted." He calmly sat back down at the table, and Kakashi peeked at him out of the corner of his eye. "I'll still help you."

Kakashi's face relaxed in relief.

Iruka crossed his arms, authoritatively. "Now, let's talk about some of your wording."

The jounin deflated in his chair. Damn, this was gonna be a long morning.

* * *

3 hours, 7 cups of coffee between the two of them, and several more painful lectures/arguments later about how Kakashi should not refer to the women he was trying to date as 'targets' or something to be 'obtained,' and the copy-nin was getting shorter and shorter in his seat as he slumped down with each passing minute. Plus his stomach was growling as he had found out that Iruka didn't eat breakfast but just consumed disgusting amounts of coffee in the morning. Jeez, no wonder the teacher was always so full of energy.

He heaved a sigh through his nose which triggered an irate glare from the chuunin. "I'm sorry, am I boring you with the thing you asked me to teach you?"

Kakashi sat up straight again. "I just figured there'd be more 'doing' than just listening to a lecture. Isn't that how people learn best? Besides, I'm getting hungry… not all of us subsist off caffeine."

He waited for the explosion that he was sure was coming, but was pleasantly surprised when Iruka just 'hmm-ed' and then said, "You're right."

"I am?" Kakashi blinked. According to Iruka, he hadn't been right about a damn thing all morning.

Iruka smiled at the obvious shock. "Yeah, I should really see you in action before going any further. How am I supposed to know what to teach you if I've never seen you try to get a date before?" He stood and stretched. "I'm gonna shower. Meet me at Ichiraku's in an hour . We can have lunch and then you can show me what you've got."

Kakashi hopped up, immensely grateful to be out of the stupid wooden chair. "You got it, sensei." He disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Iruka shook his head. "Show-off jounin," he muttered before making his way to the bathroom.

* * *

Kakashi, having been up well before Iruka, decided to use his hour to visit the memorial stone. There was no one else there so he had free reign to talk to the dead without looking crazy. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and slouched.

"Hey guys," he muttered. "I had my first 'lesson' with Iruka this morning…... Shut up, Obito, it's not funny…... of course I know what I'm doing…... Everything happens to be going just fine, jackass… sorry, sensei, but he _is_…"

He shifted around and sighed. "Plus, it's only the first morning, I have plenty of time left…... We're meeting for lunch in an hour and then I have to show off my 'dating skills' to him…... Obito, I swear to god, if you don't shut up I'm gonna use a forbidden jutsu to bring you back just so I can kill you again…... Well, I'm done discussing this with you. What do you think, Rin?... Well, who asked you anyway?"

His exposed eye closed in exasperation. "Yeah, yeah, I know you think I'm crazy too, sensei. I'm just taking _your _advice, you know…... Close enough…... Well, had you all not gone and gotten yourselves killed, I might be persuaded to try something else, but you're not here, are you? So I have to do this my way…... Yeah, ok, ok, I'm sorry…... I'm NOT gonna screw this up! Do you think you could just back me up? I'm _trying _to find happiness, here…... Thanks…"

He turned around slowly. "I'll keep you guys updated."

* * *

Iruka was just approaching the ramen stand when Kakashi suddenly appeared in front of him. Startled, he shifted backwards and almost lost his balance, but Kakashi was quick and grabbed him by the wrists, righting him before he could fall directly on his ass. "Goddammit, Kakashi!"

The silver-haired jounin smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you… again."

Iruka fumed in the other man's grip. "Really? Why do I get the feeling that you're doing it on purpose then?"

"Maa, sensei," Kakashi feigned looking hurt. "Don't accuse me of such things just because_ your_ reflexes are rusty."

The chuunin gaped but recovered quickly. "You bast –"

"Hey, hey, I'm just kidding!" Kakashi's eye curved up into his trademark smile.

Iruka huffed, but didn't retort. There was silence for a moment before the tan man cleared his throat. "Umm… Kakashi… you can let go of me now," he mumbled, staring at his wrists that were still being held captive by the jounin.

The silver-haired man blinked, looking at his own hands, then quickly released the warm arms from his grip. "Oh, uh… sorry."

Iruka blushed lightly as he looked around, wondering if anyone had witnessed their awkward positioning. He finally shook his head, more to himself than anything. "We should eat." He started around Kakashi to the ramen stand, but he jounin placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Actually, I'm not really in the mood for ramen. There's a new sushi place that just opened up downtown. Let's try that."

"Oh… well, ok." Kakashi smiled at him again, and Iruka was slightly taken aback by how friendly it seemed. Then again, he _was _doing the man a huge favor, so maybe the jounin was trying to be more civil than he had been in the past few months. He fell into step behind him as Kakashi led them to the restaurant.

* * *

"Ok, how about her?"

Kakashi shifted his gaze boredly to the woman at table 13 that Iruka was not-so-stealthily pointing at with his chopsticks. He sighed. "Too skinny."

"You're being really picky."

"Well, it's my life. I get to be picky."

"But these aren't even the women you're actually _trying _to pick up. They're the pre-test so I can suss out your current abilities."

Kakashi raised his exposed eyebrow. "So I can't refer to them as 'targets' but you can basically call them 'test subjects'? How is that fair?"

"Don't change the subject," Iruka slurred. "You've turned down everyone I've picked."

The jounin crossed his arms. "Well, first of all, you already said you weren't gonna play matchmaker, and I already said I didn't need your help _picking _anyone. Secondly, we're having lunch. I'd like to just focus on eating."

"You've been done for half an hour!"

"I'm waiting on you."

"Well, I'm done." Iruka pushed his plate away from him. "Now go talk to her."

"I'm not approaching anyone _here_," Kakashi insisted. "Everyone has already seen you staring and pointing at them."

"Are you questioning my shtealth abilities?"

"Yes, I am totally questioning your 'shtealth' abilities." Kakashi rolled his eye. "You're drunk."

Iruka scoffed. "I am _not_!" he cried a little too loudly. "I happen to be a responsible teacher."

"Who apparently shouldn't mix his morning gallon of caffeine with afternoon sake."

Iruka's eyes narrowed at him from across the table. He wavered slightly in his seat for a moment while Kakashi stared him down. Then, he smirked. "You're stalling cuz you're _scared_."

"I am not scared. I just think maybe we should do this at a time when you're not hammered."

"Copy-cat's a copy-chickeeeen," Iruka sang.

"I am not – "

"Bawk, bawkbawkbawk, baaawk." The chuunin had just started to bob his head in imitation of a chicken when Kakashi finally grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out of his seat. He stumbled gracelessly while the jounin reached into his pocket with his free hand and threw some money on the table. He hauled Iruka out the door as the other patrons of the restaurant stifled their giggles behind their backs.

Out in the sunlight of mid-afternoon, the tan man grunted and squinted his eyes. "Ahh! Ok, ok, let me go!" He twisted out of the other man's grip and stumbled a few feet before regaining his balance against the side of the building.

Kakashi glared lightly at him before sighing. "Maybe we should pick this up tomorrow."

"No!" Iruka shook his head and tried to focus on the silver-haired man. "I'm fine. We're doing this. _You're _doing this." Kakashi stared at him. "I'm serious. I'm fine… I'm fine." He shoved his hands in his pockets and stiffened up so he was standing straight and still. "Let's go."

Kakashi slouched. "Fine. But I'm not repeating this tomorrow if you can't remember it."

Iruka glared at him. "I'm _fine_," he repeated sounding slightly more sober in his annoyed state.

"Alright," the jounin breathed, sounding unconvinced.

"How about her?"

"How about you let me pick?"

"What's wrong with her?"

"Well, first of all, she _once again _sees you pointing at her." Kakashi grabbed the tan hand and forced it down to the chuunin's side. "And secondly, she's too blonde."

"Fine, her."

"Too brunette."

"Her."

"Too short."

"Her?"

"Too tall."

"Oh my god! Would you just approach someone already!?"

Kakashi gazed around the throng of people making their way around the center of town. "Fine. I'll go talk to her." He pointed in the direction of a petite girl with glasses who was reading on a bench. He began ambling toward her, but stopped suddenly when he realized Iruka was following him. "What are you doing?"

"I have to hear you."

"You can't come over there with me while I'm trying to ask a woman on a date. I know I'm not good at talking to people, but even _I _know that's just awkward."

"Well, how am I supposed to observe you?"

"Just wait here. I can re-enact a conversation with you afterward. I may be socially slow but my memory's just fine." He gave Iruka a look and the chuunin held up his hands in surrender.

"Fine. I'll be here." He leaned back against the side of a nearby building and shooed the jounin away.

Kakashi took a deep breath and started approaching the girl again. He stopped halfway there. Iruka quirked an eyebrow. He stood for a minute, then turned around and made his way back to the chuunin who laughed at him. "What the hell was that?"

"I _told _you yesterday. I don't even _know _what to say."

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Look, just… don't overthink it. Just go up to her and say whatever comes into your head."

"Whatever comes into my head?"

"Yes, the first thing you think of – just say it."

"The first thing?"

"Well, maybe just start with 'hi' then take it from there."

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, 'hi.' That's good… then just whatever comes into my head next."

"Yes."

"Alright, here I go." He turned back around and strode with purpose to the girl. Iruka watched as the jounin made contact and the girl smiled up at him. They spoke for a second, and the girl patted the seat next to her. Kakashi sat down. Well, this seemed to be going just fine.

Then Kakashi spoke and the girl's smile dropped immediately. She yelled something at him, snapped her book shut and stood quickly, storming away.

Iruka blinked and stared after her before running up to the jounin who was leaning back against the bench, looking tired. "What did you say to her!?"

Kakashi sighed. "Well, I said 'hi' like you told me to. She said 'hi' back. I said 'I'm Kakashi,' she said her name was Monoka and asked me if I wanted to have a seat. So I sat. And then she didn't say anything else and the silence was awkward, so…" he trailed off, looking anywhere but at Iruka's intense gaze.

"So… what did you say?" the teacher demanded.

"I said 'how about you sit in my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?'"

Iruka stared for a second, trying to process what he had just heard. "WHAT!?" he finally screeched.

"Yeah, I know, I know," Kakashi waved a hand in dismissal, not looking all that sorry. "That obviously didn't work."

"How – why – what the – your mind!" the chuunin spluttered.

"Look, I'll try again, ok?" Kakashi stood quickly and steered Iruka so he was sitting on the bench. "Just wait here. Here," he reached into the pouch on the back of his waist, producing two headsets. "I forgot I had these on me. You can listen in on this."

"Right," Iruka looked at him skeptically, taking one of the headsets. "Because it's not gonna look strange at all for you to walk up to a woman wearing _this _on your head."

The jounin secured his own headset then clasped his hands together in quick seals. "Ninja, remember?" The headset disappeared from sight. "I'm not a genjutsu master, but I think I can pull this off," he teased as the tan man huffed at his own thoughtlessness but didn't say anything.

Iruka proceeded to spend the next half hour watching and listening to Kakashi fail miserably at approaching women, with horrible pick-up lines ranging from 'Do you come here often? Cuz I'm about to come here right now,' to 'What are you doing tonight? Besides me?' He finally sped to the jounin and tackled him to the ground when he saw him making the symbols for a fire jutsu right behind an unsuspecting woman. The girl jumped as they landed in a heap behind her and quickly ran away, giving them a weird look.

"What the hell were you about to do!?" he screeched as he picked himself up.

"I was gonna light the hem of her skirt on fire, and then say 'You're on fire. Can I stop, drop, and roll with you?' And then, when she was just thinking that was a cheesy pick-up line, I was gonna push her down and put out the actual fire, and she'd suddenly think of me as a hero."

Iruka's eyes bugged out of his head. "Kakashi!"

"Relax," Kakashi stood and dusted himself off nonchalantly. "It was gonna be a small fire, and I would put it out before she got hurt. I had it under control."

Iruka grabbed at his face. His head was spinning and hurt, but he didn't know anymore if that was from the alcohol at lunch or the idiot in front of him. "Kakashi…" he tried very hard to reign in his temper as he didn't know if his headache could survive anymore yelling at that moment. "_Where _are you getting these lines?"

Kakashi shrugged non-committally. "You said to say the first thing that came to me."

"And… and _these_ are the first things to pop into your head!?"

"Well…" the copy-ninja scratched the back of his neck. "I don't _have _any other dating experience to draw on, so I was just going off what I know from other people."

"_What_ other people would say – ?" Iruka suddenly paused as something clicked in his brain. "Oh. My. God." His eyes bore into Kakashi's exposed one. "Are you reciting lines from Icha Icha Paradise!?"

The jounin shrugged again. "Well… yeah. That fire thing's from Volume 5. The heroine is so grateful to have her life saved that they end up doing it in the nearest alleyway, then get married the next day. Of course, I know the books exaggerate a little so I wasn't expecting _that_, but I figured a more realistic version would be at least a date out of gratitude."

Iruka grabbed at his head with both hands and squatted down, taking deep breaths.

"Umm… Iruka-sensei, are you ok?" Kakashi squatted next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't feel well."

"Those last few shots are probably catching up to you."

Iruka snorted. "Yes, that must be it."

"Let's go home. Do you have all the information you need to assess my current abilities?"

Iruka closed his eyes tightly. "Yep… yep… I think I got a pretty clear picture."

"Excellent."

The chuunin stiffened for a second as he felt a strong arm wrap around his form, and the next second his ears popped and he was landing unceremoniously on all fours in the middle of his living room. His head spun worse than ever.

"Whoops. Ups-a-daisy." Kakashi's arms slipped under his own and he was hoisted to his feet, but he just barely managed to stumble to the couch before collapsing on it with a groan.

"Warn me the next time you plan on using a transportation jutsu," he scolded into the cushion, his voice muffled.

"Sorry, sensei." Kakashi gently repositioned his feet so they were all the way on the couch and started to remove his sandals for him. Iruka made a small noise as though he wanted to protest, but he was starting to drift off to sleep already. The jounin settled the shoes next to the couch and pulled the blanket from the back of it, draping it over the prone brunette. "See you tomorrow."

Iruka was vaguely aware of the front door opening and closing before he surrendered to the exhaustion of the seemingly long day.

The teacher awoke several hours later and blinked his eyes open to peer out the window. The sun was just starting to set. He groaned softly, rolling off the couch. He should really eat something to settle his stomach. _'Note to self,' _he thought vaguely as he staggered into the kitchen. _'Day drinking does not sit well with me… especially when it's coupled with Kakashi.' _

He sighed as he dug leftovers out of the fridge to heat up. Sure, he knew the jounin was bad with people, but he had never expected him to be _that _bad at asking women on dates. The reality of the task he had agreed to was finally sinking in.

Before, two weeks had seemed like more than enough time to get the jounin on a date.

Now it seemed like an impossible deadline.

* * *

If you enjoyed, I appreciate the reviews!

**DixieGoddess**


	3. Chuunin Search

Iruka was actually up at his normal time the next morning, having gone to bed at a more than decent hour in his slightly hungover state. As such, he was a little perturbed when Kakashi didn't show up early like he had the day before.

Actually, Kakashi didn't show up at all…

The chuunin glanced at the clock from his spot on the floor where he was re-organizing his movies. However, the time hadn't changed much in the last 3 minutes… It was now past 1, and he was getting irritated. The jounin's tardiness might not have bothered him so much if Kakashi hadn't proven the previous day that he could show up well before noon.

Iruka's stomach grumbled. He hadn't eaten yet, expecting the other man to show up earlier so they could have lunch together and go over that day's 'lesson.'

The teacher finally threw aside his busywork and grabbed his shoes, marching out the door to find the frustrating jounin.

* * *

Iruka finally tracked down his elusive student a good hour later at the memorial stone, only after running into Genma and Raidou and complaining about not being able to find him. The two jounin had looked utterly confused as to why the chuunin wasn't in class and was looking for _Kakashi _of all people, but when Iruka dodged their questions, they thankfully stopped prying. He had no desire to start trying to explain his 'dating lessons' with Kakashi to his two perviest acquaintances.

He spotted the silver-haired nin in question standing slumped in front of the memorial stone. Not wanting to scare the other man as he seemed lost in thought, he didn't bother to mask his chakra and even offered the courtesy of making a little bit of noise as he walked up behind him. Kakashi noticed him instantly and seemed to jump just slightly out of his reverie, but he didn't turn.

The chuunin finally stood beside him, and just as he turned to look at the copy-nin, the jounin's features twisted into their normal bright smile, eye curving happily even though it still wasn't facing Iruka. The teacher was slightly taken aback as he could've _sworn _the expression a split second before had been far more serious and… sad. "Good morning, Iruka-sensei. How are you feeling today?"

Iruka shook himself out of his previous thoughts and glared lightly at the jounin. "I feel fine, and it's not morning anymore. In fact, I've been up for hours, wondering where my 'dedicated' student was," he ground out sarcastically.

Kakashi finally shifted his eye to peer first at Iruka then up at the sun. "Ah, yes, it has gotten rather late, hasn't it?" he mused. "I was simply trying to give you plenty of time to sleep off your hangover."

Iruka couldn't stop his cheeks from tingeing pink. "I didn't drink _that _much," he grumbled. "Besides!" He shot an annoyed glare back at the other man. "It was your fault in the first place. _You're _the one who ordered sake at lunch!"

Kakashi blinked innocently. "Well, yes, that was before I knew what a lightweight you were."

Iruka's cheeks switched from pink to red. "I'm not a lightweight! I just didn't have anything in my stomach!"

Kakashi stared at him boredly. "Neither did I. Really, sensei, it's not a big deal if you can't hold your liquor. Just don't blame me. It's not like I poured half that bottle down your throat."

The chuunin gritted his teeth irately and huffed, turning away. He hadn't meant to get kinda drunk at lunch, but he didn't drink often; definitely hadn't done so during the day since he could even remember when. And he had thrown back the sake pretty quickly out of nervousness, not that he'd ever admit that out loud to the jounin.

He had been slightly uneasy having lunch with the other man. It was one thing to scold him or exchange semi-pleasant chit-chat in the mission room. It was quite another to share a meal with him, in public, without bringing up either finding him a girlfriend (Kakashi had asked for a short moratorium on the lectures while they ate) or his old students, which he seemed reluctant to discuss.

He also was trying his hardest to give the jounin his privacy while eating. Not that Kakashi really _needed _anyone to give him privacy, as he seemed practiced enough to pull his mask down in bursts while avoiding everyone's gaze, but Iruka didn't want to feel rude. So, in his anxiousness and attempts to avoid looking at the other while he ate, he had automatically focused on the glass in front of him.

That had obviously backfired.

Oh well, at least it had somewhat lessened the horror of having to watch Kakashi try to interact with women. Speaking of which…

"Well, are you finished here?" he asked, voice still tinged with irritation but softening just a bit.

Kakashi nodded and finally turned fully to him, smiling. "Yes, sensei. Let's get started."

* * *

Kakashi had led them to a charming little barbecue stand on the other side of town. Iruka was considerably impressed with the jounin's knowledge of good restaurants around town, especially since the teacher's repertoire didn't really extend past ramen after all his years of only ever eating out with Naruto. He decided to voice this last thought aloud to the other man, adding that it seemed a little strange for the usually so anti-social and private ninja to eat in public so often.

Kakashi seemed a little taken aback by the last comment but quickly recovered and smiled his usual, casual grin. "Maa, I'm not much of a chef. I really have no choice."

Iruka 'tsk-ed' softly. "You're in your mid-twenties, Kakashi. You should really learn basic kitchen skills," he scolded with a hint of teasing in his voice. It was becoming increasingly easier to converse with the man as time went on.

Kakashi cocked his head at him. "Are you a naturally good cook, Iruka-sensei? Or did someone teach you?"

Iruka scratched at his nose shyly. "I'm not _that _good," he mumbled to his plate. "I just started experimenting one day from the vague memories I had of my mother trying to teach me to cook when I was young. I eventually pieced things together, and I can make a decent meal now."

"Hmm…"

They ate in silence a few minutes more before Kakashi pushed his plate away. Iruka was only half done, but he had quickly gotten used to the jounin scarfing down his food well before him. "So, sensei…" The chuunin peered up at him over a bite of food. "After witnessing my current skill level yesterday – what?" The copy-nin cut himself off at Iruka's blatant cringe.

The teacher shook his head mournfully and sighed dramatically.

Kakashi's eye took on a pitiful look. "Aw, come on… I wasn't _that _bad, was I? I mean, I know I need work. That's why I asked you… but…"

Iruka set his chopsticks down and took a deep breath. "Kakashi… let's just start with a number one rule…"

The jounin leaned in.

"Icha Icha lines are _never _acceptable."

"But what if – "

"_Never_."

"Even if – "

"NE… VER…"

Kakashi sighed and closed his eye as though he was having a hard time coping with this idea. Finally, he nodded and looked at the chuunin again. "Fine. Then what am I supposed to say?"

Iruka looked at him a bit exasperatedly. "Look, Kakashi... clearly, you're not the most well-liked person in the village."

"Thanks for the cheery update," the jounin deadpanned.

"But you've obviously made it this far in life talking to people who haven't proceeded to try to kill you afterward. I've seen you interact with Kurenai and Anko, and hell, the hokage's a woman. I mean, I know you piss them off sometimes, but they, for the most part, seem to… tolerate you…"

Kakashi folded his arms. "But I'm not trying to date them."

"But they're women! And the people you're trying to date are women. Look, just…" Iruka sighed. "Stop focusing so much on the dating part and talk to the women that you approach as though you were just having a conversation with any other colleague."

The jounin seemed to think about this for a second. "Ok. I think I see what you're saying," he finally announced, seeming rather pleased with his ability to grasp the concept. "I'll go try on her." He nodded his head toward a blonde girl who was sitting on the far end of the counter. "She's been eying me this whole time." He grinned cheekily at the tan man.

Iruka rolled his eyes at the other's narcissism, but nodded. "Go ahead. I'll be here."

Kakashi straightened up a bit and hopped off his stool, strolling casually to the pretty girl sitting down a ways. Iruka strained to listen to them from where he was sitting, but he could only make out the vague mumble of conversation.

The silver-haired man seemed to do just fine in getting an invitation to sit down with his so-very-smooth line of 'hi' that he had perfected the day before. The girl even smiled at him when he spoke again. Iruka breathed a sigh of relief as that meant Kakashi had refrained from using some perverted smut-novel quote. The jounin gestured to the girl, and she blushed happily, patting down her clothes. So far, so good. The chuunin relaxed a little and allowed a small, proud smile to grace his face. Maybe he was a better teacher than he thought he was. Maybe –

The girl's smile suddenly dropped and she looked a little taken aback. Iruka blinked. She didn't yell at the man in front of her, but a weird look crossed her face. She said something, looking nervously off to the side. Kakashi continued talking, and the girl's face became more and more disturbed. A minute later, she was sliding off her stool and hurriedly said something before sprinting off.

Kakashi blinked after her, looking thoroughly confused. He turned back to Iruka who gave him a 'what the hell?' look. The jounin sauntered back, looking put out. "What happened?" the chuunin demanded as he approached. "It looked like it was going so well."

"It was," Kakashi pouted a little. "I was doing just what you said and it was working… and then all of a sudden, she just took off."

"Ok, ok, walk me through the conversation."

"Well, I sat down, and I noticed her clothes, so I said it was a nice outfit."

Iruka's face took on a worried tint. "Please don't tell me this degenerated into some perverted comment about how the outfit would look nicer on your bedroom floor."

"Iruka-sensei!" Kakashi sounded comically scandalized. "How impure! I can't believe you just said that! Out of the mouth of a respectable teacher – shame shame." He shook his head.

Iruka glared at him. "So… what _did_ you say then?"

Kakashi gazed off to the side, recalling the events from the previous moments. "I, uh… ah yes. I said that her clothes looked like they would be easy to get blood out of."

Iruka started back. "You… _what_?" Part of the chuunin's brain wanted to be angry, but he couldn't even properly process what he had just heard.

"Yes, I told her the color was good too for not staining. She looked confused, so I started explaining a little bit about different fabrics and how to clean blood out of them, and then – what's wrong?" Kakashi had finally turned back to his companion who was holding his head in his hand exasperatedly.

"Kakashi… she wasn't _confused_, she was terrified!" Iruka grit out.

Kakashi's face remained blank, waiting for an explanation.

The sensei heaved a humongous sigh. "Why on earth would you compliment a woman about her clothing's ability to withstand bloodstains?"

The jounin hardly looked abashed. "That's what I always talk about with Anko and Kurenai. They love it when they find cute clothes that won't get ruined if they get in a fight." Iruka just stared at him disbelievingly. Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets. "You said to talk to other women as though I was just having a conversation with my colleagues," he explained, sounding a tad annoyed that he had to point out to Iruka that he had simply done what _he _told him to.

"Oh my god," the tan man buried his face in his hand again, the words muttered mostly to himself.

Kakashi dug into his pocket and pulled out some money to pay for lunch while he waited for the sensei to recover. Iruka finally peered up at him again with a peeved expression as though he couldn't even believe the stupidity he was dealing with. Kakashi's eye drooped as he realized he was in trouble and he didn't even know _why_.

The brunette sighed. "That wasn't a fellow shinobi, Kakashi. It was a civilian woman."

"And what? Civilian women don't appreciate clothing durability?"

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Not as much as you would think," he bit out sarcastically.

"Well, I don't understand," he huffed, trying to look away nonchalantly.

"Clearly." The two shared a tense look, both annoyed with the other. Iruka cleared his throat. "Did it ever occur to you that that topic of conversation with a _regular _woman might…" he took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "It might make her think that you're some kind of… you know…" His cheeks heated up, and he looked past the wild silver hair, not wanting to finish the thought out loud.

Kakashi stared at him. "No… I don't know…"

"You know… like you're some kind of… _sadistic _pervert…" The last words were barely above a whisper, but Kakashi's sensitive ears caught them.

He blinked once. Twice. He stared off into space a second. Iruka watched the wheels turn… "Ohhhh."

"Yeah," the chuunin grumbled.

"Huh… ok, so… then, no topics about Icha Icha or blood…"

"You also might not want to mention weapons or dead comrades or how you used to practically torture your students while training…" Iruka ticked off, and Kakashi gave him a tired look.

"Iruka-sensei…" he practically whined (if the great Kakashi Hatake would _ever _resort to 'whining'), and the teacher quirked an eyebrow. "I've been a ninja since I was old enough to walk. That's all I _do_… besides read Icha Icha, which you already said wasn't acceptable… What do you expect me to talk about?"

He half-expected he chuunin to blow up at him and dismiss his concerns, but the teacher's face actually softened and he looked at Kakashi with a hint of sadness.

Iruka hadn't thought about that. He sometimes forgot that Kakashi had had a less-than-normal childhood, even for a shinobi. Considering how quickly he had escalated in rank, it made sense that he had never really had the time to develop any hobbies outside of the ninja world – besides those perverted books. In fact, Iruka honestly couldn't recall ever seeing Kakashi interact with civilians outside of escort missions or in shops where the minimal social skills were required. And, aside from him, the jounin didn't even really interact with anyone of a lower ranking than himself except to accept and turn in missions. He supposed it only made sense that his definition of 'normal' conversation was only what he was used to with fellow elite shinobi who were almost just as engrossed in the ninja world as he was.

At least Iruka dealt with children, who hadn't become full-blown ninja yet, as well as civilian parents, on a regular basis, so he had plenty of repetition with topics that didn't scare off those not used to the dark realm of the shinobi. Kakashi had never had such built-in practice.

"Well…" he started hesitantly. "Don't you have _any _other hobbies? Music, movies?" he prodded.

Kakashi thought a second. "I don't really listen to music. And the last movie I saw was the Icha Icha film."

"Yeah, ok, no," Iruka muttered. "Well… maybe you should try dating another shinobi. There's plenty of available kunoichi in the village."

"Hmm…" Kakashi thought about it for a second. "Kunoichi are crazy," he finally announced.

"Well, no offense, but you're not the perfect picture of sanity yourself." Iruka scooted off his stool. "You might have to settle for someone as… strange as you. I don't have time to teach you enough normal hobbies and conversation starters to make up for a lifetime in the shinobi world." He stared at his pupil sternly.

The copy-nin finally sighed resolutely. "Fine… if you think it would work better," he conceded.

"God willing…" Iruka grumbled, starting to walk away. His student followed obediently a second later.

* * *

The two ninja had proceeded to have a less than successful rest of the afternoon as they tried to determine what kunoichi Kakashi should go after. Anko and Kurenai, the only two he could actually refer to as 'friends' of a sort, were obviously out of the question as they already had boyfriends. The jounin had vetoed anyone he knew from ANBU. Even if he had agreed to accept another crazy shinobi into his crazy lifestyle, he didn't think the combination of two completely insane ex-black-ops specialists was a good idea. Iruka had agreed to that, but that left them a very narrow pool of applicants that Kakashi actually knew. There wasn't a plethora of female jounin in the village who were not only available, but that Kakashi could actually stand for more than two minutes at a time.

They were back in Iruka's apartment, trying to think of anyone they may have forgotten about in their list of kunoichi, but neither could come up with another name. And Kakashi didn't seem particularly keen on any of his limited options.

Iruka sighed. "Well…what about a chuunin?" he finally asked. It was a well-known fact that chuunin were significantly saner than their jounin comrades, but they were still messed-up just enough to be able to deal with jounin absurdity most of the time. In fact, Iruka knew quite a few jounin/chuunin couples that seemed to work perfectly, with the chuunin balancing out some of the ridiculousness of their significant other.

Kakashi scratched his neck contemplatively.

The teacher gave him a tired glare out of the corner of his eye. "Just be honest. I'm not going to be offended if you say you don't want to date a chuunin."

Kakashi looked slightly surprised, then waved a hand in dismissal. "No, no it's not that. I don't care. It's just… I don't really _know _any chuunin… besides you."

"Weeeell…" Iruka paused, not really sure if he should offer what he was thinking of offering. Could he really, in good conscience, sic Kakashi on one of his colleagues? He glanced at the other man and felt his resolve crumble under the hopeful gleam in his exposed eye. "I suppose I could introduce you to some people." That was it. He couldn't take it back now.

Kakashi smiled. "That would be great, Iruka-sensei," he thanked sincerely. "Tomorrow then?" He stood.

Iruka nodded. "Yeah, tomorrow."

"Goodnight, sensei." The elite nin transported away.

The chuunin flopped back against his couch. Now, what poor souls did he dislike enough to introduce to Kakashi?

* * *

Thanks so much for all the feedback so far! :) Hope you're all enjoying the story!

**DixieGoddess**


	4. Roomies

**This is not a new chapter**, but the second half of chapter 3. I realized that the last chapter was ridiculously longer than all the others and decided to split it up. So if you've already read all of chapter 3 when it first came out, you've already read this.

* * *

The next morning, Iruka was pleasantly surprised to hear a knock on his door at 9:30. Not too early, not too late. At least the jounin seemed to learn _some _things quickly. He cheerily opened the door to Kakashi…

And what looked like everything Kakashi owned…

He blinked in surprise, trying to take in the picture of the copy-ninja surrounded by several large suitcases. The other man smiled cheerfully at him over the top of the potted plant in his arms. "Good morning, Iruka-sensei."

"Kakashi…" his voice halted, not sure how to ask the obvious question. "What…?"

"Ah, yes." Kakashi glanced down at his stuff. "I need to move in."

"Say what?"

The other man brushed past the confused chuunin, dragging one of the suitcases behind him. "Early this morning, one of my neighbors had a nightmare and activated a water jutsu in his sleep. Half the building is flooded. It's gonna be a few days before they can get it all out and fix the water damage. I need a place to stay until then."

Iruka kept glancing back and forth between the jounin and his overabundance of stuff. "And… and you want to stay _here_?"

Kakashi placed his plant down on the coffee table. "Well, I figured as long as you're helping me, I'm going to be spending most of my time here with you anyway, and you have that spare bedroom that Naruto used to stay in, so…" He trailed off as he noticed the twitch starting to form in the teacher's eye. "Uh…I mean, wait, hold on." He held up a hand, stopping whatever outburst Iruka was about to unleash. He quickly picked up his plant, grabbed ahold of his suitcase, and walked back out again, closing the door behind him.

Iruka stared at the painted wood, utterly perplexed. A knock came from the other side. He tentatively reached out and turned the handle again. Kakashi smiled happily at him. "Good morning, Iruka-sensei!" he chirped as though they hadn't just had this conversation. "Last night there was some damage to my apartment, and I need a place to stay for a few days, so I was wondering if I could stay here? But if that's not ok, I will find a hotel to stay at. I just thought I would ask… politely…"

Iruka blinked dumbly, his previous anger dissipating. It took a few seconds for it to click that the man in front of him was trying to follow his teachings from the first day he had scolded him on proper procedure for asking for favors. A small smile came over his features and he couldn't help but chuckle at the somewhat adorable awkwardness of the infamous copy-cat ninja trying so hard to impress him with his manners. He smirked at the jounin good-naturedly. "Sure, you can stay with me, Kakashi."

He stepped aside to allow the jounin access to the apartment again, and Kakashi happily strode inside.

Iruka looked out at the mountain of suitcases that still needed to be brought in.

"Uhh… Kakashi?"

"Hm?" The other nin was back to occupying himself with trying to find the perfect spot for his plant.

"How long did you say you were staying? Do you really need this much stuff?"

Kakashi barely spared a glance at the rest of his luggage. "Only a few days. But I told there, the place was flooded. I had to pack up all my things."

"Oh… I guess that makes sense." Iruka started to haul in the rest of the load. "What is that?" he finally asked as Kakashi continued to futz with his plant.

The silver-haired man finally looked at him again, grinning proudly. "This is Mr. Ukki. Mr. Ukki, Iruka-sensei. Iruka-sensei, Mr. Ukki." He finished up the introductions and then stood there as though waiting for something.

One of Iruka's eyes squinted in mild disturbance as he tried to figure out if the other man was serious. But when it seemed obvious that Kakashi was waiting for some sort of acknowledgement to his plant, he finally turned to it. "Uh… hi… Mr. Ukki…" He felt incredibly silly, but it seemed to make the jounin happy as he turned back to adjusting the plan – Mr. Ukki's – positioning. The teacher watched on with morbid fascination.

"Hmm…" Kakashi frowned beneath his mask. "I'm just worried he got hit with too much water when the jutsu came down through the ceiling. I want to put him somewhere with a lot of sun so he dries out quickly." He looked at the tan man imploringly

Iruka tried to shake himself out of the shock at seeing the usually aloof jounin so concerned with a living thing. "Well, um… you could put… _him_ – " he stumbled over using a proper pronoun for a plant. "- in my room. It gets the most sun."

Kakashi's face brightened again and Iruka felt his heart swell a little at seeing him so happy. "Thanks so much, Iruka-sensei! It'll be good for him too, to be in a bedroom with someone. I was worried about him being lonely at night out here in the living room." He gazed adoringly at his plant, oblivious to the odd look he was receiving from the chuunin.

"Uh… sure… here…" The teacher held out his hands, and Kakashi relinquished Mr. Ukki so Iruka could find him a proper spot in his room.

* * *

By the time they had finished setting Kakashi up in the now-spare bedroom (though the jounin still had to make do with the bright orange sheets that used to belong to Naruto), it was near lunchtime again. The copy-nin had suggested that Iruka demonstrate his kitchen skills again, (since he hadn't gotten to taste the tan man's delicious food since that first night), but the chuunin had smiled at him, somewhat evilly. "Actually, it's about time for lunch break at the academy. I was thinking we could stop by there."

"Iruka-sensei, you're supposed to be on vacation… surely, you can leave things to your substitute for longer than two days without having to go check up on things," Kakashi scolded.

Iruka blushed lightly. "That's not what I was thinking!" he insisted. "I was thinking it would be a good time to introduce you to some of the female chuunin teachers."

"Oh."

"And if I happen to find out how my classes have been going the past couple days, so be it," he rushed the last sentence out of his mouth and hurried out the door before his student could protest.

Kakashi rolled his eye at the anal academy teacher, but followed anyway.

* * *

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" Kakashi winced at the unnaturally loud sound. A few students ran up to the duo, clutching at Iruka's shirt and pants excitedly. "Iruka-sensei!"

"Where have you been?"

"Are you sick?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Are you coming back to work?"

"Hey, hey, quiet down!" Iruka hushed the children but there was a wide smile stretched across his face and laughter in his voice. He patted the closest child on the head. "I'm fine. I'm just taking some vacation time."

The kids looked at him strangely. "You've never missed a day of work, Iruka-sensei," one spoke up.

"Iruka-sensei, are you dying?" a little girl queried, her voice trembling with worry.

"Jeez, sensei," Kakashi drawled from behind him. "How much of a workaholic _are _you if even your pint-sized ninja wannabes think the world is ending if you miss work?"

The children's eyes snapped to him, just registering his presence, and the jounin instantly regretted drawing attention to himself. "Who are you?" one of the bolder kids demanded.

"What's with your hair?"

"What's with your eye?"

"Are you deformed under that mask or something?"

Kakashi looked put out that the younger generation clearly did not know him well enough for his presence to inspire awe and respect, and Iruka snickered at him unashamedly. He shot the sensei a look. "Can we go inside?"

"Iruka-sensei, is this your _boyfriend_?" one of the little girls sang and the rest of the kids 'oooh-ed' in dawning.

Iruka bonked the girl on the head. "Kakashi-sensei is just a friend. Now, get back to your lunch."

"Yes, Iruka-sensei!" the kids chorused before running off again, probably to tell all their friends about Iruka-sensei and his new 'boyfriend' with the funny hair.

The chuunin turned his attention back to the other man as his students disappeared. The sweet smile lingered on his face, Kakashi noticed. "Well, let's introduce you to some available kunoichi."

* * *

"Well, that was a disaster." Kakashi shuffled into the apartment and wilted into the couch.

Iruka followed after him, looking weary. "It wasn't… _that _bad," he tried to console, but his own voice didn't sound convincing, and the jounin's shoulders slumped further. "Well, I mean, at least you didn't say anything perverted or particularly weird…"

The silver-haired man sighed. "I made one of them cry. I had to have said _something _wrong."

"Oh, no," Iruka waved a hand, coming to sit next to him. "Suzume? She cries about everything."

"I still scared everyone…"

"No, you didn't. They were just – "He cut himself off as Kakashi turned to glare at him. "Ok, yeah, they were scared of you." The jounin crossed his arms. "Oh, Kakashi, it's not that bad. They're just not used to… _you_… talking to them, let alone showing up at the academy. I bet the only reason they were even so flustered was because they were in the middle of talking about your butt."

The jounin blinked. "They talk about my butt…?"

"Oh yeah, all the time."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

Iruka shrugged. "Is it working?"

Kakashi sat up a little straighter and peered down at his own backside. "Huh… I guess…"

"Good."

The older man leaned back again. "Still doesn't change the fact that they're scared of me." He almost sounded sad.

Iruka frowned. He hadn't thought of the possibility that his fellow chuunin teachers would be so terrified of the legendary copy-ninja that they wouldn't be able to converse properly with him. He definitely hadn't thought that they might even start to _cry _when Kakashi had looked straight at them just to ask how classes were going. Then again, none of the other teachers had probably ever been graced with the full attention of such an elite and elusive superstar.

The chuunin bit his lip. This unsuccessful outing definitely hadn't helped the other man's confidence, especially since Kakashi had actually managed to make decent conversation until the female teachers started melting down. How was he supposed to teach him that the things he said were actually correct if all evidence pointed to the contrary just because of some silly frightened chuunin?

"I'm taking a nap," the jounin announced abruptly.

Iruka stared after him despondently as he shuffled to his new room.

* * *

The jounin did not emerge again until it was dark out, though Iruka was sure he hadn't been sleeping the entire time… in fact, he was pretty positive that he had felt Kakashi sneak out his bedroom window for several hours, though why he wouldn't just use the front door was beyond him.

His current guests quickly shushed themselves as they heard the door creak open down the hall. He had tracked down Izumo and Kotetsu in the mission room and asked them to come over after their shift. Iruka didn't have a ton of chuunin friends – even less female chuunin friends. But he had been close to the two rambunctious desk workers for years, and they were a lot more social (aka: they went out a lot more) than Iruka did. And he knew he had seen them interact with Kakashi on at least a couple occasions, so having them around might prove that not all chuunin (besides him) were scared of the elite shinobi.

Of course, in his ultimate naivety, he had failed to foresee the lewd looks and insistent questioning that followed the revelation that Kakashi was not only staying in his apartment, but that Iruka was looking for available chuunin women that he could introduce the copy-nin to. It took almost a good hour to convince the other two men that he and the jounin were _not_ a couple who were looking to add a woman to a threesome for variety. He wondered if it was possible to actually die of heatstroke caused by blushing…

Kakashi paused in the doorway of the kitchen as he realized they had company. Iruka shot his two friends a pointed look, and they smiled brightly – a little too brightly – at the silver-haired nin. "Good evening, Kakashi-sensei!" Izumo chirped. Kotetsu beamed and waved.

"Kamizuki… Hagane…" Kakashi greeted each in turn, looking a little uneasy at the overexcited smiles on their faces. Then he turned to Iruka. "I'm going out." Without expounding upon that statement, he strode out the door.

Iruka sat rooted to the spot for a second before leaping after the jounin. "Kakashi! Wait!"

Izumo glared at his friend and lover. "Great," he droned sarcastically. "He knows we're not scared of _him, _but now he's scared of _you._"

"Me!?" The bandaged man looked indignant. "You were all 'Oh, Kakashi-sensei!'" he imitated Izumo in a high-pitched, fangirl voice.

"I do not sound like that!"

The copy-nin hadn't gotten far, and he stopped and turned his head just slightly when the chuunin burst out the door after him. "Where are you going?" the teacher demanded

"I just said – out."

Iruka scowled at him.

Kakashi sighed, eye taking on a glint of irritation. "Surely just because I'm living here doesn't mean I have to tell you every time I go somewhere. What? Do I have a curfew too?"

The tan man turned red and sighed disgustedly. "Fine, do what you want," he grumbled "Just don't wake me when you come home."

He stormed back inside. The two chuunin still at the table gazed up at him. "What's wrong?" Kotetsu asked.

Iruka shook his head. "Three days of no results and he's being all mopey already." He plopped back into his chair and crossed his arms. "Man's a big baby," he grumbled petulantly.

"Well, give him a break, Iruka." Izumo rested a hand on his shoulder. "It can't be easy to discover that you're so bad at talking to people that even after someone's been teaching you _how_, you still can't get a girl to sit with you for five minutes without running away."

Kotetsu snorted, and Iruka shot him a dirty look. The other chuunin quickly became fascinated with the floor. "You know, this is partially _your_ fault," he snapped, glaring between the two.

His fellow chuunin looked taken aback. "The hell did we do?" Kotetsu demanded.

"Part of the reason he's all dead-set on finding someone is because you two were being all nauseating in the mission room the other day," Iruka shot at him.

"What? When?" The two men looked at each other, confused.

"Four days ago…" Iruka looked at them expectantly, but they just stared back, not recalling what they had done. "You guys were working the mission room together and having a tickle-fight…" he pressed.

Both men scrunched their faces up in confusion. "Not possible," Kotetsu stated matter-of-factly.

Iruka cocked his head at him.

Kotetsu sighed. "First of all, today was the first day we worked the mission room in a week. We've been on guard duty. Secondly, the last time we had a, quote-unquote, 'tickle-fight' in the mission room was almost a month ago. The last time we did that, we got in trouble for ripping some important documents."

Izumo nodded. "Tsunade made it pretty clear that if we screwed around in there again there would be some… well… not-so-happy punishments."

"She threatened to castrate us," Kotetsu supplied bluntly.

Iruka blinked. "But…" His head hurt. "Kakashi-sensei specifically said he saw you two the other day when he went to try to get a mission…"

His friends shared a look. "Well, maybe he just got his days mixed up." Izumo shrugged. "Or maybe he's been thinking about this whole girlfriend thing for longer than he wants to admit…"

Iruka nodded unsurely. "Yeah… maybe…"

"Well, hey," Kotetsu suddenly looked enthusiastic, trying to break the overthinking teacher out of his reverie. "I know how we can help! He's probably heading to a bar, right? We can go round up a few girls we know, find out where he's skulking around, and bring the party to him. I'll bet he's not so scary to girls once they've got a few drinks in them."

Iruka groaned. "I'm really not in the mood to drink tonight, Ko." He blushed, remembering his sake-at-lunch incident the other day.

"Well, you don't have to come. 'Zumo and I will handle it. Right?" He grinned widely at his partner who glowered back at him.

"We have work in the morning," he shot defiantly.

"Aww, come on." The more irresponsible chuunin poked at his boyfriend from across the table. "We're doing this for 'Ruka. The faster we help him help Kakashi get a girlfriend, the sooner our poor friend will be put out of his misery."

Izumo turned to Iruka, silently begging him to side with him, but the sensei gave him a sheepish grin. "Well…" he trailed off, not wanting to agree with Kotetsu out loud, but the spiky-haired man had a point.

Izumo sighed. "Fine." He stood and snatched Iruka's wallet off the kitchen counter where he had thrown it. "But you're paying." He grabbed a handful of money out before tossing the empty wallet back to its owner.

"Yes!" Kotetsu cried, jumping up excitedly.

"Hey!" Iruka shouted, flustered, but the two other chuunin were already out the door.

* * *

Iruka blinked his eyes open slowly at the rising sun, wondering why his blinds were open so early in the morning. His bleary brown orbs finally focused on the… Mr. Ukki… sitting on his windowsill. Oh yeah. He had promised Kakashi maximum exposure to the sun for his… friend…

He rolled over and was about to try falling back asleep when he heard a small crash in the hallway and… was that a giggle? Since when did Kakashi _giggle_? Then the jounin's rough timbre floated through the door followed by more girlish giggling. Ok, that definitely wasn't Kakashi…

Iruka pulled himself out of bed and flung open his bedroom door… Kakashi in nothing but sweatpants and his mask was standing in the hallway near the front door with a scantily-dressed woman who held her high-heels in her hands. They both turned to look at him. The teacher blinked back owlishly, trying to process the scene.

The girl's giggle cut through the otherwise silent apartment again. "Sorry," she twittered from behind her hand. Iruka's eyebrow twitched.

Kakashi placed a hand on her back and opened the door, quickly ushering her out. "Well, you should go."

"Call me?"

"Uh-huh." The jounin slammed the door in her face. He turned back to the stunned teacher who was starting to look angry. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly and smiled slightly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake – "

Iruka's bedroom door slammed.

"- you…" Kakashi stared at the closed entryway to the chuunin's bedroom, wondering what he had done wrong.

* * *

**DixieGoddess**


	5. Expectations

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" A tan hand came down to slam on the desk between the two chuunin who were obviously hurting that morning.

"Ah! Loud noises…" Kotetsu whined as they both clamped their hands over their ears.

Izumo groaned. "You don't have to shout, 'Ruka…"

Iruka's eye twitched. "I'm not shouting…" he growled evilly. Snapping out with the speed of lightning, he snagged both men's collars and yanked their heads closer together so he was sandwiched between their ears. "_THIS _IS SHOUTING!"

"Gah!"

"Agh!"

Releasing his victims, the teacher seethed down at them. "What were you two _doing_ last night!? You were supposed to be helping me!"

"Ah… Iruka…" Kotetsu clutched at his forehead again. "It's too damn early for riddles. Please just be blunt about what we did wrong so we can apologize."

Iruka huffed through his nose disgustedly. "You two idiots were supposed to introduce Kakashi to women last night."

"We did!" Kotetsu insisted. "…Didn't we?" He turned to squint at Izumo who nodded his head vaguely. "Yeah, of course we did! He did really well… Right?"

His partner sighed, rubbing his own pounding forehead. "Yeah, last I remember he was surrounded by several women, cracking jokes about who would get to take off his mask."

"Well, _one _of them definitely did," the sensei muttered.

"Hm?" Kotetsu glanced up at him.

Iruka crossed his arms and glared off to the side. "I caught a woman leaving Kakashi's room this morning."

The two other chuunin blinked. "Hey, hey!" Kotetsu cried as loud as his headache would allow. "Mission accomplished!" He held his hand up, and Izumo managed a smile and went to high-five him.

A rough hand intercepted the victorious gesture. "No! Mission _not _accomplished!" Iruka hissed. "You were _supposed _to be trying to give him practice talking to women _normally_, without the whole… whole… _sex _thing in the picture! The goal was to find him a _respectable _girl! Not to get him laid by some… some… _tramp_!"

"Ouch, Iruka," Kotetsu shot him a half-amused look. "I don't normally hear words like that come out of your mouth. What do you have against this girl?"

Iruka pulled back and looked a little abashed. "N-nothing! I- I just… ugh! Don't change the subject!" He flushed a bit.

His spiky-haired friend leaned his chin in his hand and drummed his fingers smugly. "Jeez, man, you sound _jealous _or something."

Izumo snorted.

Iruka blushed and floundered for a second. "I am not jealous! I'm irritated!"

"Because Kakashi slept with someone else?"

"Yes! No!" The annoyed amber eyes squeezed shut. "Not because he slept with 'someone else'. Because you weren't supposed to be helping him _sleep _with anybody!"

"Cuz you're jealous?"

"No! Because that wasn't the point of all this! I have been busting my ass to try to get him beyond the one-night stand, no emotional-attachment mentality, and you undid all my hard work in a few hours!"

The three chuunin stared at each other for a silent moment.

"Sooo… what you're trying to say is that you're totally jealous."

A dark fist clenched in fury, but Kotetsu leaned out of the way before it could be brought down on his head. He leered at his irate friend.

"Dude, it's totally cool if you're jealous. No one's denying Sharingan Kakashi is hella hot – even when you can only see a quarter of his face. And you've been hibernating for awhile."

Iruka's cheeks rapidly turned pink. "I – I have not been _hibernating_!"

His two friends (if Iruka even felt like calling them that anymore at the moment) snorted loudly. "Oh really? Who was the last person you dated?" Iruka bit his tongue and refused to answer. "Izumo?" Kotetsu turned the question over to his partner.

Izumo pretended to think. "Hmm… I won't mention his name, but I'm pretty sure it rhymes with Shmizuki."

The teacher stiffened and turned his head away. "Well, forgive me for not being anxious to jump back into the game after my last lover put a giant shuriken in my back and later revealed that he had been using me since my childhood." He tried to sound cold, but his voice wavered, and the other two men lost their smirks momentarily.

"'Ruka…" Izumo started slowly. "It's been a couple years… you have to move on eventually. Especially now that Naruto's gone, you've been lonely lately…"

"I've been _fine._"

"For godsakes, Iruka," Kotetsu looked at him wearily. "Hatake had to impersonate you and _force _you to use your vacation time. We practically had a heart attack when we heard you were taking a break. Then, when you told us yesterday… well, let's just say that the story about someone pretending to be you should not be less surprising than _you _just asking for a vacation!"

Iruka shut his eyes briefly, not wanting to let the emotion in them be seen.

Izumo sighed. "Look, it's about time you showed interest in someone again. And you and Kakashi have always been a little closer than normal for an elite jounin and an academy instructor."

Iruka turned back to the desk. "He was training my old students," he insisted heatedly. "That's the only reason."

Izumo held up his hands. "We're just saying that you've always kinda been friends, and if spending more time together is causing _feelings_ – "

"I could not care _less_ about who Kakashi sleeps with or dates or _whatever_!" the teacher exploded. "I'm just trying to do what he asked me to do, and I don't appreciate you two mucking it up! Just… just stay out of my way from now on, ok?" He turned swiftly and stormed out the mission room door. "Don't know why I asked you two in the first place," he griped to himself.

The two desk chuunin watched him leave with self-satisfied smirks stretching across their features again. Izumo chuckled. "He's jealous."

"So totally jealous."

* * *

The door to the apartment flew open as Iruka swept inside furiously. He was half-hoping to wake his 'roommate' with the ruckus, but Kakashi was already up and reading on the couch. The silver-haired jounin lowered his book enough to smile over the top of it. "Good morning, Iruka-sensei! Out running some early errands?"

The teacher didn't answer him. He didn't even look at him. He simply toed off his sandals and marched into the kitchen, grabbing the nearest sponge he could find and beginning to scrub the dirty dishes in the sink.

Kakashi blinked, unsure, but then stood and followed to the doorway of the kitchen. "I made coffee," he tried, but Iruka didn't acknowledge him. The jounin stared at the back of the brunette head as the ponytail bobbed up and down wildly as Iruka scrubbed. "Um… I can do the dishes… if you want…" he offered, but Iruka didn't stop. "I mean, I dirtied a few of them last night making snacks…" A dish clanged loudly in the sink, but the vicious scouring didn't stop.

The jounin watched him a few second longer. "Um… Iruka-sensei… are you mad at me?"

"Do I _look_ mad?"

Kakashi paused momentarily at the shock of finally receiving a reaction. "Um… yes?"

"Good deduction skills. I can see why people call you a genius."

The jounin's shoulders slumped. "Did I do something wrong? Oh crap – did I leave my wet towel on the bathroom floor? Sorry – bad habit… I'll just go – "

"The woman this morning, Kakashi!?" Iruka finally shot him a dirty look over his shoulder.

The other nin stared at him incredulously. "_That's _why you're mad?"

Iruka snorted derisively and turned away, resuming his dishwashing.

"Did we wake you during the night?"

Iruka gritted his teeth at the implication of the words. "No," he ground out.

"Are you mad that we woke you this morning?"

"I was already awake."

"Oh… I used my own condoms if that's what you're worried about. I didn't steal any from your bathroom."

"Oh god."

Kakashi crossed his arms. "Well, if it embarrasses you so much, maybe you should put them in a less conspicuous drawer – "

"That's not why I'm angry!" Iruka snapped. "And you shouldn't be rifling through my bathroom drawers to begin with!"

"Well, then, what is this about?"

Iruka grumbled under his breath about stupid jounin, but didn't actually answer the question.

Kakashi leaned against the entryway casually, a mischievous glint sparkling in his eye. "What, are you jealous or something?"

A sponge whizzed past the tall silver locks as the jounin just barely dodged the projectile. The chuunin was seething. "What the hell would I be jealous of!?"

Kakashi regained his cool as he smirked at the adorably flustered man. "Well, if the expiration date on those condoms is correct, you haven't replenished your stash in awhile… maybe you're jealous that I was with someone last night and you weren't?"

Iruka scoffed loudly. "Oh, puh-leaze. If I had wanted to be out and picking up bar skanks, I would've come out."

"Ah, well, if it's not that, perhaps you're jealous of the woman?" the jounin continued to tease.

"Wh- what!?"

"You seemed pretty upset when I said I was going out."

"Because you were acting like a child!"

"You also admitted yesterday that you talk about my butt all the time – "

"I most certainly did not!" Iruka gaped at him.

"You said the teachers talk about my butt all the time," Kakashi reminded with a wide grin.

"I said the _female _teachers talk about your butt all the time!"

"And you've never chimed in an opinion?" A silver eyebrow raised dubiously.

"Of course not!" the chuunin growled defensively.

Kakashi gave him one more amused smirk, before dropping the playful smile and giving the angry man in front of him a weary look. "Then, honestly, _what _are you so angry about? If this is about Naruto's sheets, I can wash them.

"Are you taking this seriously at all!?"

Kakashi blinked, taken aback. "Taking what seriously?"

"Hello!? What we're doing here? What _you're _doing here?" The copy-nin still looked confused, and Iruka sighed disgustedly. "You come to me, practically begging me to help you land a girlfriend. A _girlfriend_, not just a one-night stand. And then, what? Because you don't succeed in only three days, you just give up and screw the first thing you see?"

"What? No! That's not – "

"Why am I even bothering to help you? I'm not letting you use up my vacation time and _stay in my apartment_ so you can just treat this like a joke!"

"I'm not – "

"I thought you were serious about this!"

"I am!"

"God," Iruka grabbed at the bridge of his nose. "My eight-year old students have more perseverance than you do! Just because you're some sort of prodigy at everything else doesn't mean you have to be good at _everything _right out of the gate!"

Kakashi's exposed eye darkened. "I _know _that!"

"Then why are you giving up?"

"I'm NOT!"

"Oh, so what? You're telling me that girl is the new love of your life?" the brunette bit out sarcastically. "You didn't even let her put her shoes on before you shoved her out the door - "

"Would you _shut up_?" Iruka started back, not used to the jounin talking to him that way. He turned back around huffily. Kakashi rubbed a hand over his face, looking tired. "I'm sorry but… yeah, I screwed up, ok? I got frustrated, I had one too many, and I fell back into an old habit. What? Your students are never allowed to make mistakes?"

"My regular students aren't adults who are supposed to have higher brain function than to just do whatever the hell they feel like in the moment."

The jounin took on a defensive posture. "It was _your _friends who tracked me down and started introducing me to a bunch of women and buying everyone shots. What? You want to tell me you had _nothing _to do with that?"

"That's – "

"In fact, I believe their exact words when they laid down the money for the first round were 'This is on Iruka.' Is there another Iruka around here I'm not aware of?"

Iruka blushed, trying to hold on to his anger. "They were supposed to be helping you _meet _women in a more casual setting. That doesn't mean the intention was for you to just hook up with them for one night!"

The jounin scowled at him exasperatedly. "You know, you're being awfully judgmental for someone who announced the other day that they've had their fair share of one-night stands."

Iruka stiffened and spluttered a few incomplete words before shooting a glare at the other man over his shoulder. "_I'm _not the one who tracked down someone specifically to teach them how to get a _girlfriend_. Speaking of which!" He whirled on the jounin, piercing him with his sternest teacher-look. "Why did you lie to me?"

"Huh?"

Iruka crossed his arms. "You told me that on that fateful day you decided you wanted a girlfriend, you walked in on Kotetsu and Izumo having a tickle fight in the mission room. But that's not true… _is _it?"

Kakashi stared, trying not to look scared. "Huh?" he repeated eloquently.

Iruka snarled at him. "They told me last night that they haven't even _worked _the mission room for at least a week. And that they haven't screwed around on duty for a _month_."

The silver-haired man tried to look indignant, but it didn't really work. "Oh, so _I'm _automatically the liar here?"

The chuunin drummed his fingers against his arm. "Tsunade threatened to castrate them if they did it again. Kotetsu and Izumo are horny morons sometimes, but they're not stupid enough to cross a direct order from the hokage. And _yes_, if it comes down it, I expect _you_, Mr. I-got-lost-on-the-path-of-life, to be the one lying over them!"

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away defiantly, looking like a child that had just been busted trying to sneak cookies before dinner but still didn't want to admit it.

Iruka's voice lost a little of its edge, but the sound of betrayal leaked out fully. "What the hell, Kakashi? Why would you lie about that?"

"I didn't _lie_, per say…" Kakashi mumbled to the floor. "I _did _see them having a tickle fight in the mission room one day and it stuck with me… it just may not have been as recent as I told you it was…"

Iruka inhaled and continued staring at him, waiting for a more expansive explanation.

The jounin heaved a sigh of resolution. "Ok, so not _all _of the occurrences that I told you about happened on the _same day_… They may have been more spread out… I just… I took a little creative license with the story to make it sound more dramatic."

Iruka shook his head lightly. "And _why_ would you do that?"

"Well, come on, sensei," the jounin gave him a look. "What sounds more heart-wrenching: me, every once in a while, seeing a couple around town and it slowly building up to me wanting a significant other, or having an entire day of nothing but being surrounded by couples and me being overwhelmed?"

The teacher's shoulders slumped and he made an exasperated noise in the back of his throat.

"Look… I'm sorry." Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "I thought that the more pathetic my story sounded, the better my shot at getting you to help me would be."

Iruka shot him one last withering look.

Kakashi sighed. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have lied to you… I'm sorry…"

All of the chuunin's anger finally disappeared, not having much more to cling to. "It's alright," he mumbled.

"And… I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't trying to… I wasn't giving up or trying to treat this like a joke… I screwed up… I'm… I'm sorry." The words came out haltingly, like they were getting stuck in the usually pompous jounin's throat, and Iruka felt his heart soften just a little bit.

He had never heard the copy-nin apologize so profusely and sincerely. "Kakashi…" he started softly.

Kakashi looked up at him again finally.

"Ugh…" Iruka sighed, looking irritated with himself. "I should've asked you this in the first place… what exactly are your… expectations for a relationship?"

The coal-colored eye blinked. "I told you."

"No… you told me what Genma and Raidou told you about relationships and how that kinda sorta vaguely sounded appealing to you. But… what do _you _really hope to get out of a relationship? What are you looking to _put in_ to a relationship?" Kakashi remained silent. "These are important questions, Kakashi," Iruka chided. "I can't _really _help you be successful at this dating thing until you figure that out."

The jounin sighed in understanding and nodded. "Well… I guess I'll go work on that, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka deflated against the counter tiredly, all his energy spent after his two tirades. And he had never gotten back to sleep that morning after closing his door to Kakashi and his 'companion.'

He hadn't napped voluntarily in ages, since work took up the majority of almost every day, but the idea was sounding more and more spectacular right now. He shouldn't feel lazy about it, right? After all, he was on vacation…

The brunette wandered into the living room and collapsed on the couch, determining to himself that he would only close his eyes for 10 minutes… 15 tops…

* * *

It was pure reflex that kept the only good eye of the Sharingan-using jounin from being flat-out punched. He hadn't meant to startle the chuunin. He was simply trying to make him more comfortable. He had wandered back into the main part of the apartment a couple hours later to inform Iruka that he had thought long and hard about his 'desires' in terms of a relationship and was ready to present. He had even made a nice, neat – well, nice anyway – list. He was such a good, dedicated student.

But when he had seen the other man fast asleep on the couch, a little line of saliva seeping down the tan chin, Kakashi was struck with the knowledge that he had never before realized anyone could look so darn cute while drooling unconsciously. He had attempted to tuck him in much like he had the other day, but had failed to take into account that Iruka wasn't half-drunk this time. He was a tad embarrassed that he had let his guard down and temporarily forgotten the cardinal shinobi rule of never disturbing a sleeping ninja – even academy teachers.

A tan fist flew past his head, just barely brushing the cloth-covered cheek. The jounin dove to the side and held up his hands placatingly. "Just me! Sorry, I wasn't trying to wake you."

Iruka blinked a couple times, trying to re-emerge from his dreamland. The sight of the semi-cowering jounin slowly came into focus, and the teacher started to blush as he realized what he had just done. "Ah! Sorry, Kakashi-sensei!" He blurted, slipping back into old formalities.

Kakashi's eye crinkled into his trademark grin. "No worries. I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that."

Iruka scratched at his head of sleep-mussed hair. "How long have I been out?"

"Couple hours, I guess, if you went to sleep right after I left."

The chuunin looked surprised, but slumped back against the arm of the couch, still stretched along the length of the furniture. "Ugh… this is why I don't take vacations. I feel so lazy…"

Kakashi stood up fully and walked to where Iruka's feet lied. The teacher made to move them but, Kakashi grabbed them first and lifted them, sitting down and placing them back in his lap as though it was the most natural position in the world. "Don't feel lazy. You deserve a break, sensei." He rubbed the bit of tan ankle peeking out of the chuunin's pants leg comfortingly.

Iruka blushed again, and tried to pull his feet back, but the jounin clamped down and held them in place. The chuunin blinked in confusion.

Still holding the other man in place with one hand, Kakashi pulled his list from his pocket and held it out to the teacher. Iruka slowly reached out and grabbed it. "What is this?"

"My expectations for a relationship." The jounin then grabbed one bare foot and started rubbing it.

Iruka jumped slightly. "What are you doing!?"

"Giving you a massage," the silver-haired man announced as though it were obvious. "Just relax while you read that."

"I – I – I don't need – "

"Would you just relax, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi gave him a pointed look. "You're on vacation, and when was the last time you got a massage?" Iruka didn't answer. "That's what I thought. Just enjoy."

"Kakashi…" Iruka whispered. "You really don't have to – "

"Consider it a thank you for putting up with me and my crazy mission for this long… and an apology for today…" The chuunin continued to stare at him warily. "Would you just read?" The jounin nodded to the crumpled piece of paper he had handed him.

Iruka finally sighed and complied. Truth be told, the circles the other man was making on his tired feet _did _feel good.

He directed his eyes to the paper Kakashi had handed him, but brought it back down to his lap harshly a couple seconds later. He gave the jounin a half-irritated look. "Kakashi, I can't _read _this."

Kakashi blinked innocently. "My handwriting isn't _that _bad," he protested.

Iruka held the paper up so the other nin could see his handiwork. "This isn't handwriting! It's a bunch of pictographs!"

"Ah…" The jounin studied his list. It had been harder than he thought to come up with things he wanted from a relationship that didn't just result in a list of different sexual positions. And he had a tendency to doodle when he was thinking hard… or bored… or both. "Well, uh… let's see…" He squinted hard at his drawings. "I think that one is a bowl of soup. I drew that when I was thinking I wanted someone who could cook."

Iruka peered down at the 'bowl of soup.' It looked like a dead frog.

Kakashi pointed to another scribble that looked like two stick-people on a see-saw. "I think that one meant I wanted someone to have fun with… or it's a sex toy… I don't remember…"

Iruka sighed. He threw the paper on the floor. "Why don't you just _tell _me what you remember thinking of?"

The jounin pouted comically behind his mask. "I am so offended. I worked very hard on my artistic list for you."

Iruka rolled his eyes.

Kakashi leaned back into the couch, switching feet. The chuunin let an appreciative sigh escape his lips. He allowed them to sit in silence for a few moments before clearing his throat pointedly.

Kakashi shifted. "Well… I mean, all those things Genma and Raidou were saying about having someone to come home to after missions… I like that idea. And… I would need someone who loves and respects my ninken. They're a stubborn pain in the ass sometimes, but they're my only family."

Iruka started minutely at that, then let a small smile cross his face.

"And, um… well… I could come up with a bunch of little things that would be nice, but aren't really required, but I guess the only overall thing I really need is… someone who's willing to put up with me. I guess if they can do that, I'm willing to put into the relationship whatever they need from me."

Iruka's smile dropped at the soft, solemn tone. The somberness in the jounin's demeanor startled him and made his heart ache. Whatever he had been expecting to hear, that certainly wasn't it. In fact, when they had first started this whole thing, he hadn't expected that much of a serious admission from the copy-nin _ever_. He stared at the small batch of the exposed jounin's face a minute longer, the silence in the apartment deafening.

"Although, obviously, that guaranteed sex thing is also a big plus. I would need someone with a healthy libido." Kakashi's eye had instantaneously curved back into a lecherous grin.

Iruka gritted his teeth at the ruined moment. "Kakashi…" he growled.

"Your turn."

"Huh?" The teacher stopped and raised his eyebrows at the other man.

Kakashi smiled widely at him. "You have to tell me about your love life."

* * *

Thanks so much for the feedback, everybody! I am having a lot of fun with this story! It's easy to keep writing quickly. :)

**DixieGoddess**


	6. Pass

Iruka stuttered incoherently and blushed. "Wh – what?" he finally squeaked out.

Kakashi simply continued to smile brightly at him. "I believe it's your turn to tell me about _your _love life," he repeated.

The teacher harshly pulled his feet away from the jounin's ministrations and swung his legs over the edge of the couch, sitting up. "Now, where on earth do you get the idea that I should tell you anything about my love life?"

The other man blinked at him innocently. "I thought we were sharing."

Iruka scowled and closed his eyes. "_You _were sharing. _You're _the one who wants a significant other."

Kakashi shoved his now free hands in his pockets and sunk back into the couch cushions. "Well, I just don't think it's fair that I open up to you and you don't open up to me."

The brunette shook his head, wisps of hair flying around his face. "Not how it works," he grumbled.

"I don't see why not."

Iruka glared out of the corner of his eye. "You were sharing with me because I need to know what you want out of this… experiment – "

"Experiment?" Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at him, looking a little offended.

"Whatever you want to call it," Iruka corrected hastily. "You asked me to help, and I couldn't help until you shared with me what you were looking for. _My _love life has nothing to do with this."

Kakashi tilted his head. "I wouldn't say it has nothing to do with this," he mused. The teacher peered at him warily. "After all, a teacher is only as good as his experience – you know that. Perhaps knowing where you're coming from would help me appreciate your knowledge better."

Iruka snorted softly. "Kakashi… I told you when we started this that I wasn't the best person to ask… That you had probably never seen me with anyone. You said you just wanted help with social interaction, so that's what I'm doing. I'm a teacher, I work the mission desk – I deal with the public on a daily basis. There's my credentials for social interaction. As far as dating or actual relationships go…" he trailed off, not really sure how to finish that sentence.

The jounin studied him carefully, wondering how far he should push the other man. It was clearly a touchy subject… "Surely, you have _some _experience dating and being in relationships…"

Iruka bowed his head. "Well… yeah…"

The words came out so soft and tortured that Kakashi actually stopped. He was curious, but he wasn't so stupid as to shut Iruka down completely by pressing on a sensitive topic. The two sat in awkward silence for a moment before a soft rumble disrupted the quiet. Iruka blushed and grabbed at his stomach.

Kakashi chuckled warmly. "Haven't eaten yet today, have you?"

The brunette shook his head sheepishly.

"We can go get something to eat." He stood, offering his hand to the chuunin.

Iruka took it, but shook his head as the jounin pulled him to his feet. "Actually, I was thinking about cooking tonight. Is that alright?"

Kakashi nodded enthusiastically. He had been waiting for the chance to taste the teacher's cooking again. The chuunin smiled happily at that and brushed past him into the kitchen. The jounin breathed a small sigh of relief that they had been able to return to normal quickly and Iruka didn't seem angry.

He ambled into the kitchen after the other man and leaned against the entryway. "Can I help with anything?"

Iruka peered over his shoulder at him. "I don't know if I want to entrust my dinner to a 20-something year old man who admits he never learned how to cook."

Kakashi gave him a pitiful look. "Maa, sensei… I may not be a gourmet chef, but surely I can chop things without incident."

The teacher chuckled. "Fine. You can chop the vegetables."

Kakashi beamed. "Can I boil the water too?"

"Let's just wait and see how the chopping goes first."

* * *

"Mmm…" Kakashi moaned appreciatively around his first bite of stew. "It's excellent, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka smiled happily. "Good. It was a bit of a challenge to cook everything evenly… what with all the pieces of vegetables being different sizes and everything," he teased with a twinkle in his eye.

The copy-ninja pouted behind his mask. "Making every bite the same size is boring. I was trying to add an artistic flair to the meal."

Iruka rolled his eyes but continued smiling. "And I assume the slash in my wall was meant as decoration as well?"

Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "Naturally…" he mumbled unconvincingly.

The teacher burst into laughter, and the jounin visibly relaxed as he realized he wasn't going to be scolded. "My stupid fault," the brunette muttered, amused. "I should have known better than to give a man who only ever uses kunai a giant kitchen knife."

"Those stupid things are highly unbalanced!" Kakashi groused.

"I know, Kakashi…"

"Would make pathetic weapons, those knives would…"

"I know, Kakashi…"

The silver-haired nin peered at the teacher who was clearly making fun of him, but Iruka's smile was far too adorable to stay mad at. So he deflated and went back to his food. Iruka went back to staring at the table to give the jounin his privacy. Finishing quickly, he resumed his studying of the tan man across from him.

The reaction he had gotten earlier was surprising, to say the least. Sure, the question of an individual's love life was always personal and a little sensitive. But normally, people just acted slightly embarrassed. Iruka had seemed… upset… and sad. And he had all but admitted that, even though he _was _experienced in that area, it had been a long time since he'd been with anyone. What kind of awful experience had his last relationship been to make him shy away from dating like that? _Him_. The most brazenly open, loving shinobi in the village. What could possibly make _him_ shut down?

Kakashi was intensely curious, but he didn't earn his title of 'genius' by not picking up on _blaring _cues that certain subjects were off-limits. He might be a little socially inept – but he wasn't freaking blind. So he picked a different route.

"So… sensei…"

Iruka's gaze shot back up to him.

"What are_ your_ criteria for a relationship?"

The chuunin blinked for a second, the question catching him off-guard. Then his features hardened and looked a little pained. "I thought we established earlier that the topic of my love-life was not up for discussion."

Kakashi leaned his chin in his hand. "I'm not asking about your past or present love-life. I simply want to know what the answer to your own question is. _If_ you were looking for a relationship, what would you want or need out of it?"

Iruka blushed and pushed his food around the bowl.

The jounin sighed. "That can't be _that _personal of a question."

The brunette hurriedly finished off his food and gathered his and Kakashi's dishes from the table. "Why are you so interested anyway?"

Kakashi sighed. "I already told you."

Iruka rolled his eyes, but he looked decidedly less angry than he had the first time the issue had been brought up. "You don't seriously care that much about my experience because you think it would help you learn better if you knew where I was coming from. If that was the case, you would have found all that out _first_, before asking me to teach you."

The jounin smirked behind his mask at the teacher's logic. "Fair enough. I still think it would be a show of good faith though, for you to open up to me the way you expect me to open up to others."

Iruka shot him a look.

"Fine. I'm nosy. Did I really need to admit that?"

The chuunin let out a soft laugh under his breath as he reached into the cabinet over the fridge, pulling out two small glasses. He balanced them both in one hand and opened the fridge next, producing a bottle of sake.

Kakashi quirked a silver eyebrow at him. "Hmm… falling off the wagon again, sensei?"

Iruka's cheeks tinged that very cute shade of pink that they did when he was slightly embarrassed but trying to hide it. "Hardy har," he grunted sarcastically. "I have food in my stomach now." The jounin snorted, still not believing that the teacher had any sort of tolerance, food or no. Iruka bristled slightly. "And if you want to know more about me, you have to earn it."

He slid a cup in front of the other ninja who blinked at him curiously.

The chuunin smiled mischievously. "I don't just reward nosiness. If you really want to get personal, then you can deal with making it a game."

Kakashi twirled the cup between his hands. "So, basically the rule is you can only ask personal questions if you frame it as a drinking game?"

Iruka shrugged. "Yep," he announced, though his demeanor gave away that he had obviously just decided on that rule. Kakashi squinted at him. "Hey, now, _I'm _the master of social tenets. I know how it works."

The jounin barked in laughter, and Iruka smiled too. "Alright, _master_, how does this work?"

"Simple. You can ask a question, and if I don't want to answer, I drink. Then I ask you a question, and if you don't want to answer, you drink. Game's over when we pass enough that the bottle's empty."

Kakashi frowned slightly. "Doesn't really seem fair."

"Huh?"

"You already got a lot out of me earlier."

Iruka shrugged. "Not my fault you didn't know about the game."

Kakashi glared.

The teacher swatted at his arm playfully. "Besides, as already stated, I _needed _to know those things about you in order to help you with the task that _you _requested. This is just for fun." He picked up the bottle of sake, shaking it provokingly. "Of course, if you're no longer feeling nosy…"

The jounin grabbed the bottle out of his hand, pouring a small amount into Iruka's cup and then his own. Iruka smiled at him. "Can I at least go first?"

The brunette nodded. "Sure."

"Who was your last relationship with?"

Iruka immediately picked up his cup and downed it. "Did you honestly think that was going to work?" he snapped, irritated.

Kakashi shrugged. "Was worth a shot. Besides, you're funny when you're drunk. Either way, I win."

The chuunin shook his head. "What's your favorite color?"

"Pass." The jounin pulled his mask down and drained his own cup before the other man could register his face.

Iruka's eye spasmed slightly. "How the hell was that too personal to answer?"

"You only get one question, sensei."

The chuunin slammed his palm into his forehead. "God… fine…"

"When was the last time you had sex?"

"Pass," Iruka growled, once again pouring the contents of his cup down his throat and refilling the glass. "You know, you might want to _ease in _to the hard questions if you want the game to last more than five minutes. And not every question has to be about my 'intimate' life."

Kakashi shrugged. "I didn't think that one was too personal, but I'll keep that in mind. Besides, those are the questions I was originally asking. You didn't really think I'd be deterred from them?"

Iruka glowered at him. "Now… how is your favorite color too personal to answer?"

"It isn't."

The chuunin stared at him stupidly. "Then why didn't you answer it!?"

"_One_ question, sensei."

The teacher's teeth made an eerie sound as they gritted together, but Kakashi pretended not to notice the frustration he was causing, opting instead to lean his chin back on his hand nonchalantly and gaze boredly at his companion. "How did you get the scar on your face?"

Iruka started back slightly, then blushed, looking away. Kakashi sighed.

"Don't tell me that's too personal too…"

The chuunin shook his head. "No… it's just embarrassing…" Kakashi waited. Iruka sighed. "When I was six years old, I got into my parents' supplies and thought I could impress them by 'securing' our house with traps. I got halfway through a trip-wire trap when the wire went off and caught me right across the face. They were furious…" He chuckled softly at the memory. The jounin watched the face soften in reminiscence.

The brown eyes didn't take long to snap back to him though. "Why didn't you answer the color question?"

Kakashi turned away and drained his cup. He spun back around to a very cross Iruka whose whole face was twitching with irritation at this point. The jounin shrugged. "You're the one who keeps harping on this… maybe you should just move on."

Iruka made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat and rubbed at his head in what looked like an impending headache. But Kakashi interrupted his building fury with his next question. "Why did you become a teacher?"

The chuunin shrugged. "I like kids."

"Is that the only reason?"

The brunette smirked at him. "_One _question, Kakashi," he mimicked the other man. Kakashi rolled his exposed eye. "Where did you get your Sharingan?"

"A friend."

Iruka quirked a thin, brown eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

Kakashi gave him a look over the top of the sake bottle. Iruka held up his hand, not wanting to hear the stupid line repeated again.

"Who was on your genin team?"

"Pass." Iruka reached to refill his cup again, a slight waver starting to appear in his normally refined movements. "Care to elaborate on which friend gave you a Sharingan?"

"Nope."

Iruka stared at him pointedly. Kakashi stared back. The chuunin finally gestured to the other man's cup. "Well… drink."

Kakashi blinked at him. "Why?"

"Because you didn't answer the question!"

"I most certainly did… you didn't ask me to elaborate – you asked if I _cared _to elaborate, and I answered you: No, I wouldn't."

Iruka's head hit the table. Kakashi's eye curved into an innocent smile. "Hmm… I would expect a teacher to be more careful with his wording," he teased.

The chuunin lifted his head, grumbling profanities under his breath. "Just ask your damn question."

"What do you look for in a relationship?"

The chuunin shook slightly with a silent laugh. "Three normal questions and then you're back with the big guns?"

Kakashi gazed at him. "Well, that question was the entire reason we started this game. I don't have a vast reserve of patience."

Iruka gave him a tired look, but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips. He sighed, fiddling with his cup and not answering immediately.

The jounin watched him intently. "If you pass and drink that, I'm just gonna ask again on my next turn."

Iruka snorted. "Kinda defeats the purpose of the game."

Kakashi shrugged minutely. "Well, like I said, you're cute when you're drunk. So either I find out what I want to know, or I get to see you acting like a fool again – either way, I win."

"Funny." Iruka shot him a weird look.

The copy-nin blinked, not understanding that sentence. "Huh?"

"You said earlier that I was _funny_ when I'm drunk. And now you just said _cute._"

The jounin froze for a split second before clearing his throat and waving a hand in the air dismissively. "Funny, cute, whatever…" He tried to look like he didn't care about the slip-up, but Iruka was still giving him a strange look.

"Do you think I'm cute?"

Kakashi cast his gaze away, trying not to look intimidated. "You haven't answered your question yet, Iruka-sensei."

The teacher stared at him a moment longer, but the jounin refused to crack, so he deflated back into his chair. He rolled his head, making his neck crack while he appeared lost in thought. "Well… I look for someone kind. Someone who would be able to love Naruto… I can't have anyone in my life seriously if they consider him a monster." Kakashi nodded slowly. "And, um… I guess it would be nice to have someone else who can cook so I could have someone cook for _me _sometimes." He chuckled as he gestured to the dishes in the sink. "But, no," he started again softly. "That's really not that big of a deal. Uh… I don't know, in terms of serious things…"

He paused, and Kakashi felt as though the teacher wanted him to take that as the end and interrupt him, but something about the look on the tan face told him that if he just waited, something else might spill out. "I…" Iruka looked torn and sorrowful. "Trust…" Kakashi leaned forward at the softly spoken word. "I need someone I can trust above all other things…"

Silence covered them in an awkward fashion. Kakashi briefly regretted being so nosy and pushy and broaching the subject again. But then Iruka's face changed in a split second and he grinned widely at his companion. "So, do you think I'm cute?"

Kakashi's eye drooped. He sighed heavily and rapidly downed his cup.

"Ha!" Iruka pointed at him, his grin getting, if possible, wider. "That means you do! You may as well have just admitted it!"

Kakashi's face remained stoic as he peered at the finger in his face. "Not necessarily," he drawled. "It could mean I find you repulsive and was just being nice in not saying it out loud."

Iruka dropped his hand and pouted. Kakashi had to break character to laugh at the childish expression. The chuunin looked like he was about to launch into another attack to try to get the jounin to admit to his 'cuteness,' but he froze, and his eyes zeroed in on the exposed part of Kakashi's face before a snort escaped him. "God, getting sloppy?" He pointed to the wet spot on the other man's face where sake had splashed up in his haste. "If you need privacy to drink like a civilized human being, just ask me to look away," he chortled.

"Uh... Oh…" Kakashi started to bring his hand up to wipe away the offending liquid, but before he could, the chuunin had, in one fluid movement, pushed himself up so he was leaning over the table and gently wiped the drop away with his thumb.

Both men went rigid as realization set in. Only another second passed in the uncomfortable moment before Iruka quickly pulled back and seated himself again, a strong blush staining his cheeks. Kakashi coughed, thankful for his mask for hiding the slight reddening of his own face. Iruka scratched at his scar nervously. "Sorry… teacher habit…"

The jounin recovered himself and grinned brightly. "No biggie."

Iruka relaxed and smiled back. "It's your turn," he reminded gently.

Kakashi started minutely. "Oh… yeah…" He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "What's your favorite color?"

The chuunin grinned cheekily. "Pass."

Kakashi closed his eye lightly in quiet laughter. "You could always ask again."

Iruka shook his head as though he wasn't falling for that. "Why would I bother?"

"Fine. Suit yourself."

The teacher squinted at him curiously, then heaved a loud sigh, not believing that he was getting suckered in. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

Iruka startled back in surprise. "Why the hell wouldn't you just answer that earlier?"

"_One _question – "

"Whatever your next question is – pass." He shot the sake down his throat. "Now, why the hell didn't you just answer the color question earlier?"

Kakashi just shrugged. "I didn't feel like it."

"You…" Iruka stared at him intently, amber eyes boring into the jounin. The silver-haired nin shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, the normally warm brown eyes narrowed in a deadly glare as he recounted the entire conversation back through his head. "You _asshole_."

"What?"

The brunette shook his head and stood up quickly. "Did you seriously think I wouldn't figure you out? I may not be a genius like you, but I'm not _stupid_. And I've spent enough time with you to know when you're pulling some dumb trick."

Kakashi was rooted to his seat, exposed eye looking a little frightened. "I – "

"You've been dragging out my questions and twisting things into shallow insignificant answers just so you wouldn't have to answer anything _real_. _Goddam_ you!" The chuunin started to turn away, then whirled back as he decided he wasn't done yelling. "I don't know why I even bother with you. I really don't. One minute you act like we're friends and you want to open up, and then the next minute, you're the same closed-off jackass that you've always been. Are you seriously that terrified of letting someone in – even a _little _during some stupid game? God, no wonder you're single!"

Kakashi's face took on an indignant look. "Hey, I was plenty open with you earlier. How much do you honestly expect out of me in a single day? I'm not good at this crap like you are."

Iruka scoffed. "Yes, earlier – when _you _got to choose how to open up and what to talk about and got to plan it. But the second you didn't know what I would ask, you had to shy away again. You know, once you're with someone, you won't get to plan every conversation or have a shot of sake as a buffer if you don't want to answer something about yourself. You coulda used this as an opportunity to get used to it."

The jounin didn't respond, and the tan man sighed, turning away again, balancing himself against the doorframe. "I'm going to my room," he mumbled though he didn't know why he even bothered announcing it. He had just made it to his door when a strong hand gripped his upper arm just hard enough to stop him. He glared tiredly over his shoulder at the silver-haired copy-ninja.

Kakashi stepped back and inhaled sharply. "Ask me anything."

Iruka raised one eyebrow. "What?"

"Ask me anything," the jounin repeated. "One question. Anything you want, and I will answer it."

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"Honestly?" Iruka queried, looking suspicious of the fib-prone ninja.

The taller man nodded solemnly. "Yes, anything. You can ask me any question you want, and I swear to answer you honestly."

Iruka gazed at him carefully, contemplating…

Kakashi closed his eye, taking a deep breath. Now to just wait for it – the inevitable question of why he wore his mask…

"Do you like being a ninja?"

Kakashi's eye snapped back open. "Huh?"

Iruka gazed at him hazily, leaning back against his bedroom door. "Do you like being a ninja?" he repeated insistently.

The jounin thought a moment, then shrugged. "I started training to be a ninja since before I can even really remember. It's all I've ever known."

"That's not what I asked."

Kakashi sighed, thinking another minute longer. The teacher waited patiently. "Yes," he answered finally. "In the beginning, I did it because I didn't know of any other option. It's what I was programmed to do, and I was good at it. Now, I have friends and people I care about, and I would do anything to keep them safe. I'm glad I am able to contribute to keeping the village and its inhabitants secure. I couldn't imagine doing anything else."

Iruka 'hmm-ed' contently, and a small smile crossed his lips. "Good. I'm glad," he murmured turning back around, opening his door and stepping through.

"Why?"

The chuunin craned his neck around to look back. "Hm?"

"Why are you glad?" Kakashi repeated.

Iruka tilted his head. "Because you've been doing this your whole life. I would be sad if I thought that you had been forced into doing something your whole life that you hated doing. I want you to be happy." The jounin just stared at him in shock. The teacher smiled. "Now that wasn't so painful, was it?"

Kakashi shook his head slowly. "No… I guess not."

Iruka kept grinning triumphantly and he walked another step into his room. "Why do you care so much about my happiness?"

The brunette stopped and locked his brown eyes on the intense charcoal-colored one. They stayed that way for a tense minute. Then the chuunin smiled. "Pass." And with a flick of his wrist, the door shut in Kakashi's face.

* * *

Thanks so much to everyone who has been encouraging and inspiring me to keep writing this story!

**DixieGoddess**


	7. Cooking Lessons

Iruka once again woke to the sun streaming through his window at an ungodly hour. He briefly glared at Mr. Ukki, wondering how long Kakashi expected him to baby his plant, before he rolled over and slammed his spare pillow over his head. He had entertained himself until relatively late the night before by sharpening all his weapons that he often neglected. May as well use this vacation to its fullest advantage, even if that 'advantage' was a very boring walkthrough of his less important chores.

He sighed as he fingered the newly sharpened kunai he always kept under his pillow. Not that _he_, a simple schoolteacher who almost never went on missions, really needed that sort of protection, but it was a shinobi thing. It also wasn't pressing for him to even keep his weapons in tip-top shape, which was probably why he put off sharpening them for so long. His face took on a hint of sadness at the thought.

He loved his position at the academy. It had been his idea, after all. He even liked working the mission desk. It felt right to him to be the one to greet tired ninja as they finally arrived home and needed a friendly face to remind them why they had struggled back. But… he _was _still a ninja, when all was said and done. He got itchy fingers and the desire to be out in the field working off excess energy just like any other.

The chuunin drug the kunai out and lifted it so it the sun glinted off it. Hmm…

Making the decision quickly, he flung the other pillow off his head and swung out of bed with renewed vigor. He couldn't get lazy just because he was on vacation. And what good were freshly sharpened weapons if one wasn't planning to use them?

* * *

His favorite training field was unoccupied at such an early hour of the morning, and Iruka smiled slightly in the crisp dewy air. It had really been too long since he had actually formally trained. He was usually far too busy with classes – which provided him plenty of exercise, but it wasn't the same.

The teacher ran through a short series of warm-up exercises before a feral grin made its way onto the usually kind face. He drew a freshly sharpened kunai and locked his eyes on one of the training posts. He liked to think that, even though it was an inanimate object, it trembled in fear.

* * *

Kakashi had awoken to the sounds of Iruka rousing, but didn't actually emerge from his room until he heard the chuunin leave the apartment. He was vastly curious as to where the other man was off to so early in the morning while on vacation, but he decided he had pried enough the previous day. So he did what any sane person would've done…

That is, he pretended to still be sleeping until Iruka left, and then he followed him.

He was a little surprised when the chuunin led them to the training fields, though he wasn't exactly sure why. The man _was _a fellow ninja after all. It only made sense that he trained just like any other ninja. Kakashi had just never seen him do it. He half-expected it to be boring, but was a little ashamed to admit that he jumped when Iruka made his first attack on the training post.

Sure, he had seen the teacher angry and passionate before, but yelling at someone about a late mission report or their social ineptitude was in a different category than actually trying to _kill_ something – or at least, beat the living crap out of it. Which Iruka was effectively doing with a flourish, as though the pole was actually fighting back.

Kakashi briefly considered jumping into the clearing and offering to spar. Even if they were in vastly different classes skill-wise, the effort the chuunin was putting into a simple solo exercise made the jounin twitch anxiously at the thoughts of what kind of tricks the crafty teacher would have up his sleeves if faced with a real opponent.

However, he decided against it. He had been up Iruka's ass the past several days, and while _he_ felt he was an utter pleasure to be around, he wasn't unaware of the fact that very few people saw it the same way. So, after a few minutes of watching and admiring the tan man zip through the air and wield sharp weapons with ease, he left him in peace to enjoy some time to himself.

In fact, halfway back to the shared apartment, the jounin came up with what he felt was a _brilliant _idea. When Iruka returned from his workout, hot, sweaty, and hungry, Kakashi would have a lovely meal prepared for him. The Sharingan user nodded happily to himself as he swept into the apartment and then the kitchen.

Now… what the hell were all these contraptions?

* * *

Iruka returned home a little after noon, thoroughly exhausted but happy. He hadn't had such a good workout in a long time. He would undoubtedly be sore the next day, but it was worth it. In fact, he was in such high spirits from the endorphin rush, that he was even in a much more optimistic mood about his 'mission' with Kakashi. For the first time since he had gotten drafted for the task, he wasn't dreading the rest of his day with the jounin.

All that quickly flew out the window though when he approached his apartment door and instantly smelled something foul from the other side. Fearing the worst, he pushed open the door and was only half-shocked by the sight that awaited him. Smoke clouded the air and it was probably only the open window that had prevented the fire alarm from going off. Nearly every pot and pan he owned was strewn in various places around the kitchen, each filled with something gooey, black, and more unrecognizable than the last. Two knives (not just one, but _two_) were sticking out of his ceiling… And one, Kakashi Hatake, supposed _genius_, was standing in the midst of it all, covered in various foodstuffs.

Iruka might have laughed at the sight if it wasn't _his _kitchen.

Kakashi noticed him instantly and froze. The shock slowly melted off the teacher's face to be replaced with a terse glare. The jounin remained completely frozen.

Iruka sighed and crossed his arms, eyes never blinking. "I'm not a T-rex… I can still see you even if you don't move."

Kakashi shifted a little, shoving his hands in his pockets and curving his eye into a crescent. "Welcome home?" he tried.

The tan man brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You wanna tell me what the _hell _you've done to my kitchen?"

"Not particularly?"

"Kakashi."

The jounin gulped just slightly as the brown eyes bore into him. "I was trying to make lunch," he mumbled to the ground.

Iruka's eyes lost the sharp edge to them, but he still looked annoyed. "You couldn't even cut vegetables properly yesterday," he ground out. "What could have possibly possessed you to think you could cook an entire meal without supervision? Do you even have a recipe?" His eyes scanned every surface in the kitchen, looking for a cookbook, but none was to be found. "What were you even trying to make?"

Kakashi brought a hand to the back of his head sheepishly. "Well… no… not exactly. You don't use a recipe, so I was just kinda trying to remember what you do… Turns out, it's harder than it looks…"

The teacher's shoulders slumped, too worn out to be properly angry anymore. "And how the hell did _two _knives manage to end up – you know what? Forget it." He threw his hands up in front of him. "I don't even want to know. I'm taking a shower. Clean this up."

* * *

By the time Iruka emerged from the bathroom in a fresh pair of clothes, thoroughly rinsed off of grime and sweat, and expecting to have to pitch in on the clean-up, he was surprised to find the kitchen spotless. The only indication that anything had been amiss was the jounin himself who was still covered in splatters. "Wow." He stepped slowly into the room. "How did you get this done so quickly?"

Kakashi just smiled at him, and the chuunin jumped and squeaked when an unexpected hand came down on his shoulder from behind. He whirled around to find another Kakashi grinning happily and waving at him. Another popped up from under the table, a rag in hand.

Iruka merely sighed lightly at the shadow clones, a bemused smirk just barely visible on his face if you looked closely. "Very good," he praised vaguely (at least, Kakashi was going to take it as praise). "Well, I _am _starving, and since you didn't manage to produce anything edible, I –" He was hastily cut off as yet another Kakashi suddenly appeared holding a plate directly in front of his nose.

The chuunin blinked, cross-eyed, before taking a step back and studying the dish in front of him. The Kakashi clone gently took his hands, turned them up, and placed the plate in them, smiling widely before popping out of existence. The teacher titled his head at the slightly squished pieces of bread in his possession.

The real Kakashi placed his hands on his hips proudly. "Peanut butter and jelly," he announced, and Iruka shifted his confused gaze up to him. The jounin glanced away, looking a little embarrassed. "Even _I _can't screw _that _up."

It took a second, but slowly, a wide smile formed on the teacher's face and he laughed heartily. The silver-haired man blatantly slumped into a more relaxed pose when he heard the genuine laughter. Iruka shook his head, his still slightly damp hair swishing softly. "Alright. Let's eat." He settled down at the table.

Kakashi shifted to move away. "I should go clean up first."

"Don't bother." The jounin froze at the command and peered at the other man who was grinning up at him. "When we're through, I'll teach you how to _really _cook. Maybe you'll actually be able to make something decent by dinner time."

* * *

"So, may I ask what prompted your attempted display of domesticity this morning?"

Kakashi glanced up from his measuring cup at the question, not missing the heavy teasing that Iruka's voice held. He pouted just slightly and went back to leveling out the flour the way the other man had taught him moments before. "Well, you've been making some pretty heavy hints the past few days about how pathetic it is that I don't know how to cook for myself. Plus, you said that someone to cook for you would be a turn-on." He shrugged nonchalantly as Iruka's eyes shot to him. "I figure, if you would appreciate it, so would the people I'm attempting to date."

The chuunin stared at him a second longer out of the corner of his eye but finally nodded and turned back to the recipe he had dug out. It had taken awhile to find one, being as Kakashi was right in that he rarely used them anymore. But he didn't trust, genius or not, for Kakashi to be able to jump from zero culinary skills to remembering anything that didn't have a concrete recipe attached to it.

Even now, the supposed prodigy was having a difficult time grasping how to maneuver his way through simple cooking techniques. How the man could be so adept at flinging around shuriken and kunai, yet have almost no dexterity for a paring knife struck the chuunin as insanely funny. But he learned quickly from his first outburst of hysterical giggles that Kakashi did not take kindly to having his skills (or lack thereof) mocked. Iruka had damn near ended up with the paring knife through his hand (though Kakashi would continue to swear up and down that that was an accident, brought on by his 'terrible cooking skills').

"Well," Iruka exhaled, trying to sound cheery and supportive. "You're certainly right. Women love a man who can cook."

"Actually…" Kakashi passed his measuring cup to the chuunin for inspection on whether he had done a good job. Iruka turned his head fully at the other nin's tone. The jounin's eye curved into a smile. "I think I want to try picking up men."

Iruka blinked rapidly at the blunt confession. He gulped once, then turned away quickly, not wanting to offend the other man with his surprise. After all, Kakashi _had _basically admitted to being bisexual the first day he asked for his help. He had just said that he'd _prefer_ a girlfriend. "Oh?"

"Yes," Kakashi continued languidly, not seeming at all perturbed by Iruka's reaction or his own confession. "I've been thinking today about my lack of luck with women. And while I do appreciate your efforts to school me in the art of talking to them, I can't help but feel that it's partially your fault I've been failing."

Iruka just about dropped the measuring cup, and quickly put it down before he created a mess. He whirled on the jounin, eyes flashing with impending danger. "I'm sorry… _what_?"

Kakashi just stared at him boredly, as though what he was saying was just common knowledge. "Well, in all fairness, sensei, you should have told me you were gay before trying to give me pointers on the opposite sex."

Iruka wondered if it was possible for one's brain to actually explode. It certainly felt like it, but being as he was still standing, he supposed it hadn't _actually _combusted. His face instantly flamed an impressive shade of red, and he whipped back around to the counter, wishing he had left his hair down after eating so it could cover him. "Wh-what!?"

Kakashi just continued gazing at him evenly. "Maa, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I clearly have nothing against men, or men being with men, for that matter."

"How – why would you think that?" the chuunin demanded.

The jounin leaned against the counter now. "Your wording yesterday."

Iruka vaguely glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

"You kept saying 'someone who' when describing the type of person you would want to date – not 'a woman who.' Not that that's a _huge _giveaway, but it was a bit of a tip-off that you're not completely woman-centered. I would've just pegged you as bisexual then, but, thinking back on it, you all but admitted that you don't really know any females worth dating." Iruka's eyes widened fractionally. "You had to get your friends to find some to introduce me to. Even if you're not the most social person in the village, if you had any dating experience with women, you'd know at least a _few _that you considered decent dating material." Iruka's blush was lessening, but he still refused to say anything. "Plus, I found your porn collection last night after you holed up in your room."

That prompted an immediate reaction, with the chuunin once again spinning back to him, a dark red staining his cheeks again. "WHAT!?"

Kakashi just shook his head pityingly. "Really now. A fake back on your bookshelf? You're a shinobi, Iruka-sensei. I'd expect someone who insists on pretending that they're oh-so pure and innocent to hide their dirty magazines better."

Iruka's eyes practically _glowed _with rage. "You – you – " Kakashi just stared at him. "Stop snooping through my things!"

The jounin shrugged. "I'm also a shinobi. It comes with the territory." The tan jaw clenched so hard that Kakashi could hear the other man's teeth grind together. His eye drooped in exasperation. "If you're going to get so upset every time I see some of your personal things, you shouldn't have invited me into your home."

"I didn't _invite _you!" Iruka pointed out heatedly. "You showed up with all your crap and practically forced yourself inside!"

"I asked first."

"After assuming that I would say 'yes' and carting everything you owned to my doorstep!"

"I had to pack up all my stuff and carry it around with me anyway since my apartment was flooded. You still could've said no and sent me to a hotel."

Iruka scoffed loudly. "Yeah right. You knew damn well I wasn't going to do that."

Kakashi crossed his arms, looking defiant. "Well, it's not my fault it's so easy to predict when you'll give in."

The chuunin gaped in wild offense. The silver-haired nin almost took back his mild insult, but decided against it. He was already used to Iruka's shouting. What he was _not _used to, or expecting, was for the teacher to reach for the recently forgotten measuring cup full of flour and fling it at his head.

He blamed the Evil Kitchen Gods of Cooking for his inability to dodge in time, as it _should _have been easy enough for him to sidestep a mere chuunin attack with something that wasn't even a real weapon. As it stood, however, his black mask was now painted white, and his usually silver hair looked much more fluffy than it normally did. He blinked a couple times, his charcoal eye now being the only colored thing to peek out of his completely white head.

The anger quickly melted off Iruka's face and he snorted. Then he chuckled and snorted again. Before long, he was bent over in absolute hysterics at the ridiculous sight in front of him.

Kakashi glowered down at him. Apparently, the little sensei hadn't gotten the memo the first time about how inappropriate it was to laugh at him. He swiftly grabbed an egg off the counter and chucked it at the brunette head.

Iruka gave a startled cry as it hit the top of his head and exploded into a gooey mess. He pawed the eggshells out of his hair, glaring at the smug jounin… though how smug he _really _looked still covered in flour was a matter of opinion… The teacher growled and snatched up the entire bag of flour from beside the jounin and smacked him heartily with it. The bag exploded in a flurry of white, covering them both in a dense cloud of powder.

Kakashi took the opportunity to tackle his opponent, who was laughing once more, to the floor, straddling him with his knees jabbed sharply into his sides. He pinned the teacher's wrists to the floor, grinning triumphantly. He was just leaning over to gloat in the other man's face, when a shift in his position had the sensei yipping and jumping beneath him in a way he had never witnessed before. He froze, tilting his head at the heavily panting man.

His lone eye carefully raked over the chuunin's body, wondering what had caused such a reaction when he realized the position of his knees. He experimentally tightened them into the trapped sides again and was rewarded with another jump and small, unmanly scream.

He smiled wickedly.

"Stop it!" Iruka pleaded through the bit of forced laughter in his throat. "That tickles!"

"Oh, does it?" Kakashi asked innocently, jabbing the teacher's side with his knee again.

Iruka jolted and whined, struggling against him. "Get your bony knee out of there!"

"Bony?" Kakashi repeated, acting offended. "I'll have you know that an elite ninja, such as myself, is _all _brawn and sinewy muscle."

Iruka snorted derisively. "You're the lankiest bastard I've ever met."

Kakashi huffed indignantly. He moved to pin the tan wrists with just one of his large hands. "Well, this lanky bastard thinks you are possibly the most ticklish bastard he's ever met." He scooted down, free hand hovering over the chuunin's sides now.

Iruka squirmed before he had even been touched. "Don't!" he cried pathetically right before Kakashi's hand descended on him and he erupted in protesting giggles. His legs began thrashing wildly, and it took every ounce of the copy-nin's shinobi training to keep his target pinned down, which admittedly, didn't last long.

* * *

Now Iruka knew _how _Kotetsu and Izumo always managed to destroy something in the mission room when they started a tickle war. In only five minutes, and a completely _one-sided _tickle fight, his poor kitchen almost looked worse than it did when he had come home to Kakashi's first 'cooking' attempt. He supposed that was what happened when you let ninja near even as innocent a thing as tickling. Shinobi could certainly create destruction out of anything…

The tan man was flushed and out of breath, but a large grin was plastered across his face. Beside him, Kakashi was grinning as well. Iruka assumed it was because of his pitiful surrender and pleading apologies. The jounin, in actuality, was just glad that Iruka didn't seem to remember why he had been mad at him in the first place.

The teacher shook his head in disbelief. "Ok, cooking lesson over for the day," he announced, out of breath. "I need _another _shower."

"I need a shower too," Kakashi protested. "I'm more covered than you are."

Iruka smirked at him, pushing himself to his feet. "You get seconds. You need to clean this place up again."

"Me!?" Kakashi's eye went wide. "You're the one who started it."

"Actually, _you _started it by pissing me off," Iruka reminded, and his smirk turned decidedly more smug at the surprised look in the exposed eye. "Yes, I still know _why _I was mad enough to throw flour at you." But his smile didn't drop, and his shoulders were still relaxed, indicating that he was apparently over it.

"Don't use all the hot water," Kakashi shot after his retreating back.

Iruka waved a hand over his shoulder. "It's my apartment. I'll use all the hot water I want."

* * *

The sensei wandered back into the kitchen, toweling his hair off for the second time that day, a short while later. Kakashi was nearly finished, his clones (looking just as messy as he was), helping him once again. He threw the towel at the jounin who caught it swiftly. "Go clean up," he ordered, smiling. "I'll figure out what to do about dinner."

Kakashi nodded and his clones disappeared as he headed for the bathroom.

Iruka scooped the remaining dishes into the sink with a chuckle. So much for that plan…

He sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose contemplatively. What were they going to do for dinner now? He didn't much feel like cooking, and he felt a little bad for Kakashi constantly paying for them to eat out. Not that he had ever asked the man to pay for him, but the jounin always did so automatically, and he seemed the type of person who would just ignore protests.

The chuunin resolutely slipped on his sandals and headed out the door. It wasn't the most exciting thing, but it had been a good while since he had resorted to ramen. Surely, it wouldn't be a problem for them to go back to it to for one night.

* * *

Iruka approached the familiar ramen stand with a smile. Teuchi greeted him with a wide grin. "Iruka-sensei! Long time, no see."

The teacher scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, well, with Naruto gone, my wallet's been getting a bit of a break," he joked lightly.

"Have a seat." The old man gestured, but Iruka shook his head.

"Actually, I'm just getting takeout."

Teuchi looked a little surprised, and even more so when Iruka ordered for two people, but he didn't pry. "Ayame, help with one more order before you take off!" he called into the back, and the petite girl emerged, her features instantly snapping into a smile when she saw one of her favorite customers.

"Hello, Iruka-sensei!" she chirped.

Iruka grinned back. "Good evening, Ayame." He took a seat while he waited. "Are you leaving early tonight?" He tilted his head curiously as her father's words registered in his head.

Ayame blushed faintly, and Teuchi smiled proudly at her. "Ayame has a date!" he announced loudly.

The flustered girl bowed her head and turned to focus on her cooking. "Dad!" she whined, embarrassed.

Iruka blinked before remembering something. "Oh. With Gai-sensei?"

Both ramen shop workers turned back to him, looking a little surprised. "Y-yes," Ayame finally stuttered. "How did you know?"

"Oh, uh, Kakashi-sensei told me…" He trailed off unsurely, wondering if perhaps it was supposed to be a bit of a secret.

Teuchi looked mildly surprised. "Huh… wonder how he knew so quickly…" he muttered.

Ayame waved a hand dismissively. "Ah. Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei are good friends. It would make sense that he would go to him in his excitement."

Teuchi nodded, placated. "I suppose."

Iruka blinked slowly. "Well, it's been awhile, right? What is this – your fourth date?"

The other two looked at him as though he'd grown a second head. "What? No…" Ayame blinked, looking genuinely confused. "Gai-sensei just asked me out this afternoon. This'll only be our first date."

Iruka's face fell and his vision swam just slightly as his brain struggled to process what he had just heard. The ramen shop owners stared at him questioningly, and he gulped, feeling his throat suddenly go very dry. He tried to smile reassuringly at their somewhat worried gazes, but it came out fairly lopsided. "Oh, uh… my mistake…"

Teuchi shook his head, going back to his cooking. Ayame did the same, and Iruka stared at the counter unblinkingly until he was broken out of his reverie by a bag of ramen containers being placed in front of him. "Oh, sorry." He reached for his wallet, but Teuchi held up a hand.

"It's ok. On the house." He peered at the teacher with a mildly disturbed look. "Just go home and relax… you don't look so well…"

Iruka nodded gratefully. "Thank you." He gave one last crooked smile to the concerned pair and turned to leave. The happiness immediately drained off his face once no one else was looking.

He couldn't wait to get home and have a _talk_ with his jounin roommate. His free hand unconsciously came to his side to grip at the handle of a kunai tightly. After all, what good were freshly sharpened weapons if one wasn't planning to use them?

* * *

And that's all she wrote for now! Damn, Kakashi, what's yo' deal? Lol Thanks for all the reviews!

**DixieGoddess**


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